Chrishell Stause is the first to admit that she's a work in progress.
Although she has mastered the game of real estate as a member of The Oppenheim Group, the Selling Sunset star hasn't been as fortunate in her personal life.
Back in 2019, Chrishell was blindsided by her then-husband, This Is Us star Justin Hartley, when he ended their marriage with no warning. The divorce was finalized in January 2021, and Chrishell has since been unsuccessful in finding a life partner after failed relationships with Keo Motsepe and Jason Oppenheim.
In her new book, Under Construction, Chrishell opens up about her failed relationships and dealing with heartbreak in the public eye. Along the way, she details how therapy and self-reflection empowered her to make new decisions and wait for a love worth fighting for.
"Part of adulting is realizing that there are two people in a relationship and owning your part in what went wrong," she writes. "Being the victim and staying bitter won't help you grow and move on."
Read more from Under Construction in E! News' exclusive excerpt below.
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Under Construction: Because Living My Best Life Took a Little Work
In her new book, Chrishell Stause offers a relatable guide to overcoming obstacles, wising up about romance and getting ahead in your career.
I am still a work in progress when it comes to relationships, but I like to think I have learned bit over the years. I have a history of going for similar types, like actors and performers who are super passionate about everything, including me. At least at first.
As reluctant as I am to talk about my exes in depth or to criticize anyone I've been linked to, most of it has been in the tabloids at some point, so I guess this is my chance to tell my side of the story.
I'm thankful for where I am, as painful as some of my breakups may have been. I dated Glee actor Matthew Morrison in my midtwenties, and we fell in love and got engaged. I didn't fully understand what a healthy, solid relationship looked like, even though of course I thought I did. If you've seen Selling Sunset, you might know how that relationship ended because during one of the on-camera interviews I said, "If I ended up with the person I was with when I was twenty-five, I would want to kill myself...Yeah, you can google that. You were a d--k! Sorry!"
A lot of time has passed since that relationship ended, and we can both laugh about it all now. It's not like we're hanging out and bonding every week, but we've run into each other a few times over the years and even though I sounded a little angry on Selling Sunset, it's always cordial.
And then there was Justin, whom I met in 2013. We hit it off right away and were pretty much inseparable from day one. I fell hard and fast and thought that he hung the moon.
I didn't mind my love life being public because it was something I was so proud of. I always wanted to have a family, and at the time I thought I was with the love of my life. However, I never could have predicted how it all came crashing down so forcefully.
In 2019, while I was filming Selling Sunset, he filed for divorce and notified me via text. Although there were definitely signs that things were far from perfect, ending things in such a finite way, without talking it through, was a complete shock.
The last thing I want to do is rehash old wounds but being so far away from it now I can see that what happened was a gift. Now I understand much more clearly how I deserve to be treated. When someone is in love, it's hard to convince that person that the relationship isn't right. Even if he's waving red flags like a bullfighter to everyone around you, you're the girl striding right up to him, oblivious to any impending danger. You're too distracted and in your own world to listen.
But also, sometimes a healthy relationship that starts out with zero warning signs can turn toxic over time, and you can end up bringing out the worst in each other simply because it wasn't meant to be. If you're a naturally optimistic person like I am, it's hard to look for warning signs when you're falling in love. You're hopeful, and no one's perfect, and everything in you wants it to work.
When I got married, I imagined being eighty years old on a porch with my husband someday, holding wrinkly hands and laughing about an inside joke. I didn't mind my love life being public, because it was something I was so proud of. However, I never could have predicted how it all came crashing down so forcefully. Divorce is humiliating, and it can make you feel like a failure as a person.
I have been asked so many times why or how I continued to film Selling Sunset through it all. I contemplated quitting. I had put so much of my identity into that relationship that I no longer knew who I was without it. It took some convincing on the part of the producers to make sure I knew that the show was not looking to exploit my pain, but instead would allow me to share my story on my own terms.
I had just lost my dad that year, and now I was losing my husband and best friend, my teenage stepdaughter whom I no longer see but who still has a huge piece of my heart, and many of the friends who were his friends before we met. I ultimately decided I couldn't lose my job too.
I still wonder why he wouldn't have wanted to separate in private and wait to file for divorce a month later when Selling Sunset would be finished filming, but what's done is done. I was terrified to put all that on camera. Nothing was exaggerated. It was horrible, and because it happened while I was in the middle of filming a reality show, it's forever out there for the world to see.
There were several months between filming and the season premiere. I used that time to heal and did a lot of work on myself through therapy and self-reflection. Part of adulting is realizing that there are two people in a relationship and owning your part in what went wrong. Being the victim and staying bitter won't help you grow and move on.
Getting some distance from a relationship that you think is good for you allows you to see the cracks in the foundation, and to spot all the red flags.
I made choices where I continued to date the same "type," even though those types tended to not be a good fit for me. I let things slide when I shouldn't have and didn't pay close enough attention to early warning signs. The closure comes from knowing that the relationship was not right for either one of us for different reasons. And although I wouldn't have ever handled the breakup in the way he did, I would have wasted a lot of time trying to fix something that was irreparably broken if we'd stayed together.
Did I learn from my mistakes after Justin? Well, when it comes to love I'm still a work in progress. I did fall for another love bomber not long after my divorce, and we were quickly heading toward real commitment. He was a tall dancer, and he started off as this amazing, positive, generous guy. I took him home for Christmas to meet my family. After the honeymoon phase, though, things took a turn. This time, instead of making excuses for his behavior, I actually opened my eyes, pushed past the smoke and mirrors, and saw the truth. I'd gotten stronger, and as soon as I realized how deep his apparent lies went, I was the one who ended it. While it hurt, I was able to put it all behind me quickly. Before him, after a breakup I usually couldn't eat or sleep, but this time was much different. I took care of myself, I kept busy, and I felt strong knowing that I'd done the right thing for me. Instead of feeling sorry for myself after we broke up, I felt empowered.
Copyright © 2022 by Terrina Chrishell Stause. From the forthcoming book UNDER CONSTRUCTION: Because Living My Best Life Took a Little Work by Chrishell Stause to be published by Gallery Books, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. Printed by permission.