As Danny Tanner once explained to Jesse Katsopolis on Full House, talking about the memories of lost loved ones is what keeps them in your heart. So that's exactly what John Stamos did at Bob Saget's memorial service last week.
In his speech, published by The Los Angeles Times, Stamos admitted he was "not ready to accept" that Saget was gone and was "not going to say goodbye yet." Instead, he imagined that the 65-year-old stand-up comedian—who was found dead in a Florida hotel room Jan. 9—was still on tour, feeling 26 again (as Saget had noted in his final Instagram post) and missing his wife Kelly Rizzo; his daughters Aubrey, Lara and Jennifer; and his friends.
"When I saw his last Instagram post, my first thought was he looked too 'alive' to die a few hours later," Stamos said. "But I guess that's right. We should all want to 'die alive.' We don't want to be filled with regret and remorse, forgotten and discarded. We want to be overwhelmed with the privilege and bounty of doing what we do best."
Stamos noted that "Bob felt young, energized, grateful and appreciated" and "died bright and fierce." Reflecting on the numerous tributes about Saget that are everywhere you look and everywhere you go, Stamos noted there was "a worldwide ocean of love for him" and that he wishes the late actor "knew how much the world loved him when he was here."
Still, he couldn't eulogize someone with as dirty a sense of humor as Saget's without a few jokes. "I've gotten thousands of texts, emails and calls speaking to our 35-year friendship, telling me how sorry they were for my loss. People have even sent flowers like I lost my wife or something," Stamos said. "Come to think of it, when we were together, we were like an old, married couple: all bickering, no sex."
Heavy on the bickering with Stamos remembering a tiff they had during an appearance with fellow Full House costar Dave Coulier last summer. Stamos apologized after, but Saget didn't respond for a few days, which "was a long time not to have heard from Bob."
Then on Stamos' 58th birthday in August, he read an Instagram tribute from Saget. "Today is the day that my brother John Stamos was born," it read in part. "To say we are like brothers is an understatement. We have been through so much together for 35 years. High, lows- The usual you go through with your closest of people in your life. But what I have to say here, is how damned lucky I am to have John in my life. He has always been there for me. Even when I could be unbearable."
Now, as Stamos put it, "I may just read that every day for the rest of my life."
While this may surprise Full House fans, Stamos admitted he and Saget "didn't really get along" when they started the sitcom in the late 80s, chalking it up to them having "different styles of acting." But soon, he said, they learned to "meet in the middle and to respect each other professionally and creatively." Stamos also recalled how Saget became his "rock" when he went through hard times like the loss of his parents and the end of his first marriage and celebrated the happy times, including his 2018 wedding with wife Caitlin McHugh and the birth of their now-3-year-old son Billy.
"He was my lifeline," Stamos said. "He loved hard and deep. (Cue Bob to make a joke out of 'hard and deep.') He would do that during tragedies and honestly, it would piss me off sometimes. That's how he got through the darkness, and sadly he had a lot of it in his life. Now that I'm dealing with him dying, I sort of get it. Bob loved with everything he had. He taught me to be present with the ones I love. I hope he learned to internalize the love I felt for him."
After news of Saget's unexpected death broke, Stamos was understandably "shattered," he continued, recalling driving to his home looking for signs from his friend. Then he spied a hummingbird—something he's long thought of as a symbol of his mom. That moment "assured me Bob was OK and to stop looking for goofy signs," he shared.
It also helped him make sense of his grief. "I've spent days refusing to let him go. But now I'm starting to realize I don't have to. I don't have to say goodbye because he's never leaving my heart," Stamos said. "And I will continue to talk to him every day and let him know what he means to me. Bob, I will never, ever have another friend like you. You will always be my best friend. You are my new guardian angel—a guardian angel with the dirtiest mouth and a heart as big and benevolent as forever."