On the heels of a devastating loss, Whitney Port is trying to take it one day at a time.
On Nov. 17, the Hills alum shared that she had suffered pregnancy loss, two weeks after she told fans she was expecting again with husband Tim Rosenman. However, at the time she noted her doctor warned the pregnancy might be an "unhealthy" one. In the Nov. 23 episode of her Dear Media podcast, With Whit, the star elaborated on everything that's now on her mind, including future conversations about having a second child after she's suffered two previous miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy.
"Today, we found out as a final conclusion that the pregnancy was and is not viable. There was no heartbeat," she told listeners. "I went to the doctor today by myself, actually. I didn't even think that there was a possibility of bad news. I don't know why. I felt like I was feeling super hopeful from hearing that the baby had doubled in size last week and I just felt like it was only up from here."
She continued, "He looked at the ultrasound and looked at me and raised his eyebrows and just shook his head, and in that moment, I just knew, and it just felt like Groundhog's Day, like, just the feeling of grief is all too familiar."
While her doctor told her that "it's just a really unlucky set of circumstances," if she does want to get pregnant again, Port said he advised that she see a fertility specialist to make "healthy embryos so that we don't have to go through this process again." Port and Rosenman are parents to 4-year-old son, Sonny.
"I'm not even really fully ready to have that discussion, even though I know that we want a second kid because the thought of not having a second kid makes me feel already too regretful and remorseful," she told listeners, "but then the thought of having to go through this physical illness and nausea first trimester is daunting and scary and taxing. I mean, I literally have not been able to do anything."
She elaborated on the toll her physical health had been taking on her while pregnant. "This morning, I woke up, even before I knew the news. I said to Timmy I was feeling really depressed just because I felt like I was letting everybody down, like, I wasn't being a present mom. I wasn't being present wife. I wasn't being a present employee and co-worker and partner and that I was just constantly disappointing people," she said. "Then I had to talk myself out of that and say like, This is only a phase, right? Like everybody understands what I'm going through. Everybody understands that if I could be working hard and if I had the strength to work hard, that I would be, but it's just—it's really hard."
Now, while she tries to live more in the moment, decisions about the future are still looming. With the recent pregnancy, Port didn't think she'd have to answer questions like "Do I even want to have a second child anymore?" and "Do I want to make a child in a lab?"
"Now it just feels like I have a lot of responsibility to make those decisions," she said. "I feel like Timmy and I both really do want a second child and I don't want to regret it. I feel like, you know, thinking about my life, looking at 20, 30 years from now, I would regret not trying to do this again in this kind of scientific way. It does feel like our family is not complete. It just feels right now like too big of a responsibility for one person."
The star added, "And then, of course, I feel guilty for even complaining because I have Sonny. And, like I said, there are so many people out there that haven't even had the opportunity to have one and so, I keep on trying to look at glass half-full and be grateful that there is science out there that, if we do want to have a second child, hopefully we will be able to that way."