Chrissy Teigen is reflecting on her postpartum body struggle nearly one year after she suffered a pregnancy loss.
On Saturday, Sept. 18, the Cravings cookbook author shared an emotional message about what she's experienced since she and John Legend lost their son Jack. At the time, Chrissy was 20 weeks pregnant.
"it's really weird when you lose a baby and your body gets paused in time," the 35-year-old star began her caption. "usually you'd gain your 'yumyums I'm praaaagnant!' weight, then put on the weight of your little bebe. Then, ideally, you'd have your baby. And you would feed it from your boobs and your body would know to charge through and do what it does to get you back into fighting shape, whatever that may be, for however long it takes (F--K a snap-back)."
She continued, "But man. When you lose a baby halfway through, your body just pauses. It has nothing to do. No one to feed. And you're just…stuck."
The Lip Sync Battle host, who is also a mom to Luna, 5, and Miles, 3, admitted, "I would be lying if I said this did not majorly suck. Not only are you ummmm extremely, diabolically sad at what could have been, but you have this daily reminder every time you look in the goddamn mirror."
Even though Chrissy didn't have "a big ending" or "positive words" to share as she closed her message, she explained that she wanted to express herself and share her experience.
"I know it's not everything," she wrote, "and I know i'm suuuuuch a badass and blah blah blah I just thought I'd be emo for a minute ok! I love you. f--k a scale!"
Last month, the Chrissy's Court star opened up about how she was still processing Jack's death.
"I'm slightly down lately," she shared in a lengthy message on Instagram in August. "It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out 'my third baby is here!!', as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here."
"I realized i threw myself into the book to not think of the real, actual third baby," she added. "I don't really feel like I fully processed jack and now that I don't have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just…there, waiting to be acknowledged."
Chrissy concluded, "I guess what I'm saying here is life is so f--king complicated, and get the lasagna??? wow this was a rollercoaster!!!!!"