Mandy Moore is opening up about her experiences as a new mom.
During a July 27 Instagram Live, the actress reflected on her first few months of motherhood in a conversation with Dr. Ashurina Ream, a licensed psychologist and perinatal mental health specialist. The This Is Us star gave birth to her first child, August "Gus" Goldsmith, with husband Taylor Goldsmith in late February.
"I had these preconceived notions of myself going into motherhood," Mandy shared. "Obviously, I knew it was going to be challenging, but I thought, ‘Oh, I maybe have this sort of naturally maternal side,' whatever the heck that means. But I guess I just didn't really recognize the worries, the fears, the sense of responsibility that is so ever-present moving forward once you become a mom."
Reflecting on the relatable realities of parenting, Mandy admitted, "I guess when I imagined motherhood, I sort of imagined like, oh, you find community… and you go to Mommy-and-Me classes and baby classes."
"And I'm sure that's a reality for some people in different parts of the country," she continued. "But I don't know if it's something that I would feel necessarily the most comfortable with at this point in time, just considering what we're kind of living through."
The 37-year-old actress also noted that there was a shift in her mindset after giving birth, explaining, "It's having to reframe these expectations that you've had about what it's like to be a mom and what it's like to connect with people. The isolation is something that's really hit me that I wasn't necessarily expecting."
Back when her son, Gus, was just around three months old, Mandy also shared that she "was hit with this wave of just not feeling good enough."
"I think it coincided with the chaos and the energy of those early months and weeks starting to wane," she explained. "Our time with sort of extra support was coming to an end. It was really scary, and it makes me emotional to think about now. I still feel like I'm in it, but I'm finding my footing."
"I think as his needs really started to continue to change… I just felt this rush of like, ‘I'm not good enough for him,'" she continued. "I don't know how to be his mom. I know how to feed him, but beyond that, am I suited for this?' I just felt so ineffective, and I would look at my husband who just seemed to have a supernatural ability to take care of Gus. Like, he could make him smile. He could make him laugh. He would get on the floor and roll around with him. And I just felt like whatever I did it just wasn't right, and I couldn't get him to sleep, and it made me feel horrible."
As for how she is adjusting currently, although Mandy noted she is still "learning," she's finding solace in taking things one baby step at a time.
"I know nothing, but I'm still here putting myself through the paces of just stopping and breathing through it," she said. "Recognizing that I'm best when I trust my own instincts, remembering that everything is a phase."