Holly Madison Reflects on Struggle With Body Dysmorphia During Time at Playboy Mansion

In a video shared to TikTok, Holly Madison looked back at a photo from 2005 and spoke about her battle with body image. See her message to fans below.

By Elyse Dupre Jul 28, 2021 12:57 PMTags
Watch: Where Holly Madison Stands With Kendra Wilkinson & Bridget Marquardt

Holly Madison is sharing her battle with body dysmorphia during her time at the Playboy Mansion. 

The 41-year-old model detailed her experience in a video posted to TikTok earlier this week. The topic came up after Madison was looking for pictures of herself in a Playboy Bunny costume and found one from 2005.

"I came across one," she told her million followers, "and it reminded me of a moment in my life where I was watching a playback of myself in a fashion show and I thought, 'Oh my god, I need to lose weight.'"

Madison said she decided to talk about this time because she thought it "might help people realize that sometimes our body dysmorphia is off the charts." She then described the impact it had on her life. 

"I really feel like worrying about what I look like has gotten in the way of me living my best life," Madison said, "and being as happy as I could be and really enjoying life as much as I could."

The Girls Next Door: Then and Now

The alum of The Girls Next Door, an E! series that followed Madison and her co-stars at the Playboy Mansion from 2005 to 2009, then asked her fans to think about their own relationships with their bodies and if they're "holding you back by feeling bad about yourself."

Ethan Miller/Getty Images

"It's not worth it," she continued. "It's not worth feeling bad about yourself. Like, there are things we all want to improve about ourselves, but it's not even worth taking the time to be miserable."

Looking at the throwback photo, Madison remembered feeling "terrified" at the time. 

"[I] thought I had gained weight, and thought I hadn't stuck to my diet, and I thought my thighs were huge and I thought, 'I need to lose five pounds at least,'" she recalled. "And that's ridiculous. I look like a stick." 

After watching the video, several viewers thanked Madison for her post. "Thank you so much," one commenter wrote. "This video is so helpful to so many." Added another, "I love you Holly! Thank you for being so honest and open."