Johnny Depp

Fame Pictures

Dear Ted:
I just saw some recent pictures of Johnny Depp, and his cheekbones look oddly puffy and smooth, as does his forehead. Has he really gone the way of Botox? Somehow I thought he was above it.
April in Virginia

Dear Saint Johnny:
I adore Mr. Depp, so if that's true I'll just look the other way. But remember he eats all that French food. Would make anybody pretty puffy.

Dear Ted:
I find your Blind Vices, Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream, most invigorating. They seem to have polarizing personalities. I suspect that Judas hasn't always been into guys, contrary to his BF. Am I right?
Bipolar Bathtub

Dear Wet Det.:
Define always.

Dear Ted:
Could you please set the record straight as to who is spending Britney's estate? It was wicked how even the Los Angeles Times couldn't resist pinning the spending as her doing or pointing out she has a Malibu rental property. I thought her dad tried to get her out of that rental. And the Christmas lights? I'm sure it was "her" first priority when she walked out of UCLA.

Dear Batty Brit:
Ms. Spears is on a tighter leash than any effed-up celeb in H'wood right now. It's not she who is blowing through the money. Britney is so not OK in any shape right now—you all have no idea.

Dear Ted:
I loved Chris Pine in Star Trek, but I also loved him when he was first starting out in the Princess Diaries 2. Does he still keep in contact with Anne Hathaway to the best of your knowledge?
Jerseygirl From Parsippany

Dear Star Maps:
Not in the way that he dated and dumped Audrina.

Dear Ted:
Please give us more scoop on than talentless bitch Jennifer Lopez. Is she actually spending any time at all with her two poor kids?

Dear Jenzilla:
Sure she does...kinda. How much does J.Lo remind you of Kate Gosselin? Those cranky gals are not ones to mess with. Think Marc is the next Jon?

Dear Ted:
Any chance that we could hear more on Zachary Quinto? He's got such a great intensity. He's gorgeous, and a great actor.

Dear Hushed:
Yes, but be patient, that fella's pretty under the radar in this town.

Dear Ted:
Is Dommy Do-Rightly Sophia Bush?

Dear Not Quite:
Totally close in the "I know you're really a bitch but you try to be nice" kind of way. But wrong hair color.

Dear Ted:
Luv Robsten and all, but is it just me or are the stars coming off a little as social rejects when it comes to public appearances. They both are, which I guess is an argument for them to make it. If only life was a movie and everything was scripted and we don't drop the award and we do kiss the hunky costar! Lots of Love!

Dear Just A Phase:
But that's why Rob and Kristen are so fitting together.

Dear Ted:
Come on, tell us more about Dashed Dingle-Dream. Is he as much of an innocent victim as you make him out to be? And what's the current status of the relationship between him and Judas Jack-Off anyway?

Dear Judas Is the New Toothy:
Nooky active, how's that for sex status?

Dear Ted:
Now that it seems official that Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are broken up, I'm wondering if BAG is involved with someone new? If the answer is yes, is it Summer Glau?

Dear Not So Fast:
I don't think there's anything official about their split. They're "trying" to make it work. But I do have a good idea as to what some of their fights are about. More this week. And that's a promise.

Dear Ted:
The two worst celebrities without a doubt are K-fed and Spencer Pratt.

Dear 1 Out of 2:
People sure seem to agree with you about one of those douches!

Dear Ted:
I don't get one thing. I really have nothing against Kristen Stewart, but she did a horrible job in Twilight. There is no difference between her in real life and her acting in it; she does the same mannerisms in real life and while acting, like fidgeting and being excessively tough. I can understand Robert Pattinson's acting. In Twilight he acted nothing like he is in real life. I hate that everyone is going crazy about Rob's leading lady being Kristen. Let's hope it's a better and beautiful girl who can act and have chemistry with Rob? Right?

Dear Agree to Disagree:
Or is it good that Kris is like her character? I thought the original movie could have been done better—less angst, more heat. And I happen to very much like awkward K as Rob's real-life leading gal! They have more in common than you know.

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