Jessica Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld

Jemel Countess/

Jerry Seinfeld is opening up about his marriage.

OK, not exactly.

But he was crackin' some funny ones last night when he performed a 20-minute set at the Palm Pre phone launch event at Raleigh Studios in Hollywood.

Read on for some of the highlights...

"Being married is like being on a game show and you're always in the lightning round," he said. "I have a podium in my living room, and in the morning I hit the clicker button: 'I'll take Movies That I Think We Saw Together for 200.' "

"The woman," he continued, "is always the returning champion from last week: 'I'll take Details of a 10-Minute Conversation We Had at 3 in the Morning Eight Years Ago...' "

Since the party celebrated the launch of a new phone, Seinfeld shared plenty of observations. "It's sad," he said about voice mail. "There are people on phones [and] phone machines still telling you to leave your name and number.

"Are those necessary instructions?" he asked. "Is anyone getting messages like, 'This is a woman. Good-bye'?"

And then there's the beep: "I know people who are still telling you to wait for the beep," Seinfeld griped. "It's the 21st goddamn century—I think we're all up to speed on the beep!"


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