On The goop Podcast, the Suicide Squad actress recalls growing up in an "old-fashioned household" where same sex relationships weren't discussed openly or in a positive connotation. As Cara puts it, "I didn't know anyone who was gay, or I didn't know that was a thing. Actually, I think growing up I was quite—not noticeably or I wasn't knowledgeable of the fact that I was probably quite homophobic."
"The idea of being same sex anything, I was disgusted by that in myself, I was like, 'Oh my god. Oh I could never! That's disgusting!'" she explains. "So, learning and growing up and realizing that maybe I had a best friend when I was a kid who actually I liked more than they liked me, but not realizing that that's what that was."
It's for this reason the 28-year-old Brit says she felt a lot of "shame" and "self-hatred" during that time in her life.
"I do kind of correlate the kind of massive depression and the suicidal kind of moments of my life because I was so ashamed of ever being that," she reflects, "but actually that was the part of me that I love so much and I accept it."
Cara acknowledges it's "really complicated," but credits her past partners and relationships, even the non-sexual ones, for teaching her about "self-discovery."
Likewise, the Carnival Row actress learned a lot about herself through modeling. Though Cara had a lot of success in the profession, she shares that she left the industry because she was "so unhappy and I wasn't following my truth."
"That whole thing of just having to fit into the box that feminine," the star explains. "For me, I'm quite, I'm an androgynous person definitely but like I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all of that but I also love, just like being a bit of a rough and tumble."
She says she eventually realized modeling wasn't right for her, recalling, "The more I began to believe that my own instincts were right, that actually you can kind of take a step back from certain situations and really follow your heart, follow your gut, the more I kind of was able to have faith in those decisions I was making."
That being said, the model-turned-actress admits, "I don't know what I'm doing. No one does most of the time."