Clare Crawley revealed she's been in a "dark place" since her split from fiancé Dale Moss.
The athlete announced their breakup on Jan. 19, two months after their engagement aired on The Bachelorette. At the time, Clare said it was news to her. "I was made aware of a 'mutual' statement at the same time you all were," Clare wrote on Jan. 21, "so I've needed some time to really digest this."
Now that she's had a week to process their separation, the reality star opened up in an Instagram Live on Jan. 29 about how she's been going through "a lot" and trying to heal from her heartbreak.
From her home in Sacramento, she shared, "I was struggling pretty bad and I held it in for a long time and I think in manifested in other ways and kind of built up and was just heavy and a lot."
Clare said, "I'm getting to the point now where I'm trying really hard to come back from that and make a U-turn, because it's a dark place to be in when you've got a lot of stuff compiled on each other."
She indicated their breakup was a lot to handle on top of helping her mom, who has Alzheimer's and dementia, and dealing with anxiety surrounding the pandemic.
Clare said she had panic attacks and "the worst anxiety every single day" after the dating show aired on ABC. "It really got to me," she added. "I held it in and tried to be strong for so long. I am a strong person, but I tried to be that for so long that I didn't share a lot of my struggles with anxiety... because I never wanted to be like, 'Poor me, poor me' or the victim of anything."
The hairstylist revealed she has encounters with the police, who show up "every few days saying they have welfare checks on me because people are threatening to kill me."
Despite the struggles she's facing, Clare said she has tried to say positive for her fans. She discussed two things that are "helping me tremendously" through a difficult time. "First of all, watch the documentary Heal," she said. "That made such a difference in my mindset."
Streaming on Netflix, the film is "about the power of the mind to heal the body," according to its website. (Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Miranda Kerr are also fans of the Kelly Noonan Gores doc and book.)
Clare also recommends practicing gratitude every day, which "literally changes everything." She's been listing 10 things she's grateful for each morning, before she gets up.
"There's been days where it's hard searching for gratitude," the star said. "You just want to curl into a ball and cry sometimes and not get out of bed, which has been some days for me for sure. But the days that I practice gratitude, I get out of bed."
Throughout the 16-minute chat, the Bachelor in Paradise alum teared up, at one point saying, "I didn't mean to cry."
Just days after their breakup, multiple sources familiar with the situation told E! News that Clare believed Dare was cheating on her throughout their engagement. However, a separate insider connected to Dale insisted he "was faithful to Clare throughout their entire relationship."
Dale had previously said he had "a lot of love" for Clare, and blamed the split on their busy schedules. "Honestly, we've just got a lot going on in our lives right now," he told a reporter on Jan. 19. "This is just the healthiest thing for both of us."
The former football player was then spotted out in New York on Jan. 21, smiling at paparazzi.