Somehow, we're only on episode two of The Bachelor.
Last week's premiere was somehow only last week while it felt like it might have aired three years ago, which means it took a minute to get back into things as tonight's episode began. Then, "Queen Victoria" woke up and chose violence, as the kids say, and her antics pulled us right back into the fray. Contestants like Victoria make it a whole lot easier to use The Bachelor as a distraction from literally everything else going on right now, so thank you, Victoria. We needed your particular brand of wacky tonight.
It all started when Victoria did not get picked to go on a one-on-one. While Bri and Matt rode around in the mud, the other girls were gathered together to talk about how they wished they were on the date but they could still be happy for Bri. Victoria simply could not be happy for Bri and just simply wanted to be on the date instead of her, and she had to announce that out loud.
The other women suggested that maybe, on day one, she should try to be a little more positive, but Victoria was not about that.
"Do you not know me?" she asked a masked producer. No girl, they do not. It is day one!
Many of the women tried to kindly tell Victoria to chill, but it was the moment that her roommate Marylynn tried to point out some of Victoria's hypocrisy about not lumping all the women together when she lumped all the women together that really sent Victoria into a tailspin. She decided that the "psychologically disturbed" Marylynn was bullying her and moved all her stuff to a couch.
"I'm lit-rally a queen and I can't wait for Matt to send her home so I can have my own room," she cooed.
Victoria then wreaked some havoc on the wedding date and on Matt's face, and by the end of the night, she was basically enemy number one.
At the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, Victoria whined to Matt that her roommate Marylynn (who had just been gifted an orchid by Matt) had bullied her. That sent Detective Matt on an investigation that appeared to go nowhere, and then we didn't even get to see the end of this whole thing because Sarah had to go and almost faint, leaving us with a "to be continued."
It was rude, honestly, but the trailer for next week showed that Victoria certainly does not get sent home, as if we actually thought that would happen this early on. Victoria is definitely the kind of contestant who's going to stick around for a while, whether anyone (including Matt) wants her to or not.
For now, keep up with all the remaining women below!
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.