On Jan. 2, Amanda Kloots shared a vulnerable post about her extremely difficult Christmas season without her husband, the late Broadway actor Nick Cordero.
"New Years has been tough, extremely hard for me. I've cried more recently than in awhile. I thought Christmas would be hard, this was worse," the fitness influencer wrote in a post on her Instagram Story. "I think it's because when the new year comes you want a clean slate or to forget about last year, esp 2020. But, I can't forget about last year and will not be able to wipe that slate clean. I also think I am slightly scared of what can happen in a year, how much things can change. Lastly, I think everything I went through is finally catching up to me and I am finally ready to go to therapy to address the trauma."
Amanda and Nick got married in September 2017. They share their son Elvis, 19 months.
Nick, who starred in plays like Waitress, Bullets Over Broadway and A Bronx Tale, died in July 2020 at age 41 of complications from coronavirus. He spent four months in the intensive care unit prior to his death, where he had to have his right leg amputated due to blood flow issues caused by the virus. Amanda kept her followers updated on his health progress, and was happy to report that he had seemingly turned a corner in May when he was removed from the ventilator and regained consciousness.
However, just a week later, things took a turn for the worse. He was one of the first stars to succumb to COVID-19.
Amanda, who used her platform to urge people to take the coronavirus pandemic seriously, continued in her post, "I share all of this as my continued honesty about grief and loss. How it ebbs and flows, changes a lot. How it hides and then finds you. How it's a journey, not just a week. How it's continued struggle even as I stay positive and active. How you can cry some days for two seconds or two hours. How it makes you feel so lonely and confused."
She concluded her post with, "Being honest, acknowledging all of this instead of hiding it, has helped me. I hope it helps you."
In December, Amanda also shared what her experience was like spending Christmas without her husband.
"I know this Christmas looks different for a lot of us," she wrote on Instagram alongside a photo of her, Nick and Elvis in holiday outfits. "It has been a year filled with loss in many ways. I have found that focusing on what I do have as helped me tremendously. I start the day with a positive thought and go to sleep counting my blessings. It isn't always easy, but it always helps. Gratitude breeds optimism. I would say too, don't wish time away. Time is precious, even when it's hard."