Tamar Braxton is getting honest about her suicide attempt and how she was "just barely sliding by."
The Braxton Family Values star appeared on Taraji P. Henson's Facebook Watch show Peace of Mind with Taraji on Monday, Dec. 21, to open up about her mental health journey. She was hospitalized in July after being found unconscious by her partner David Adefeso at The Ritz-Carlton Residences in Los Angeles, and was later transferred to a mental health facility.
"I just felt choked, because it was no escape," Tamar said on Monday. "I just didn't see another way out. I wanted to die. Everything was going wrong."
She explained some of the aspects of her life that she felt weren't going right. "I had no relationship with my family. I was estranged from my sisters, including my mother," she said. "My relationship with my fiancé at the time was out of control. I saw no signs of nothing."
After she gained 50 pounds, The Real alum felt like "I didn't even recognize myself anymore. That should have been such a huge sign to me that something is wrong."
The 43-year-old added that her relationship with her son, 7-year-old Logan, was only "surface" level. While tearing up, Tamar said she thought he would be better off if she was gone.
"Logan was the reason why I made that decision," she said through tears. "I just felt like he deserved better. I felt like I was embarrassing him, being a fool on TV."
Taraji asked, "You thought he would be better without you?" And Tamar responded, "In that moment."
The mom was also asked when it was that she began to lose control of her life. Though she admitted "you don't know you're toxic until you come out of being toxic," she can now see that her troubles started when she was on The Real from 2013 to 2016.
Tamar recalled, "The first time I knew that things wasn't normal is when everything went down with The Real. I was in my bedroom. It was completely dark." She added, "You don't shower, you don't eat and you don't know what day of the week it is."
The singer continued, "I was able to hide it enough to pull myself barely out of there, and then I go back to the same toxic lifestyle without dealing with everything that happened to me prior. And that is continually happening to me."
News broke in 2016 that Tamar would not be returning for the show's third season, though co-star Loni Love came out saying they "genuinely all like each other." Tamar turned heads by posting on social media, "I have been stabbed in the back by someone I stupidly trusted" and later called her exit "devastating." A show rep told E! News at the time that the departure was "mutually decided."
Now, the GangLand actress goes to therapy every single day and admitted "it's the best thing I've ever done."
She's also working on her relationship with her son. As Tamar explained, "We have a lot of conversations. Now I'm a real mother... Now I can decipher whether he's having a hard time figuring out his emotions." The mother-son duo play a game called Roses and Thorns before bed, where they reveal the highlight and low point of their day to each other.
Tamar has previously described how she co-parents Logan with her ex-husband Vince Herbert, telling Wendy Williams in 2019, "I just think it's important to have a structured household for him."
She was hospitalized in July 2020, when a source told E! News that Tamar had taken medication and alcohol before she was discovered unconscious at the hotel. Her sister Toni Braxton spoke out to show her support, writing on social media, "Family is everything!"
In October, WE tv released a clip showing her mom Evelyn Braxton discussing her suicide attempt. "Toni called. She told me that Tamar was rushed to the hospital because she tried to commit suicide," the mother said on air.
Tamar then slammed the network for using "my pain for their pleasure and ratings" and called the trailer "disgusting."
Later that month, Tamar gave her first interview since trying to take her own life. Speaking with Tamron Hall, the reality star called the moment "my lowest point of life."
Watch her full chat with Taraji here.