As 2020 comes to a close, Dax Shepard is reflecting on his blessings.
In September, the 45-year-old star publicly shared that he had relapsed with pills, the same month that marked his 16th sobriety anniversary. During a new special holiday episode of his Armchair Expert podcast, he acknowledged what a significant role his wife Kristen Bell and podcast co-host Monica Padman had played in his recovery this year.
"I can't imagine having to admit that to other people and feeling as safe as I did that you guys wouldn't hate me," he shared with them. "I hated me at that point and so, to be able to tell you guys and feel unconditionally loved and that I would be accepted was really special."
As the Chips actor said, "It saved my life."
His wife of seven years also expressed her gratitude for how they got through it together. "I would like to thank all parties involved because I am so appreciative of being able to go through every flavor of emotion with Monica and also to have you, the father of my children, be so able to be honest, even at your most shameful moments—is what saves you," she told him.
"Nobody saved you but you," Bell continued, "and your courage and boldness to say, 'I feel like I'm slipping' or 'I did slip and I need to be honest before it gets worse' and I'm just grateful to all parties involved. I think we did a really good job, team."
Meanwhile, Padman was thankful to be included. "I feel really grateful and honored that you felt you could trust me," she told him. "I feel grateful that I was allowed in to the inner circle."
Despite the immense challenges he faced this year, Shepard doesn't have hard feelings about 2020. "I feel guilty saying this, but I still loved this year immensely," he said. "I loved this year. I had a great year."
However, Bell was quick to point out that they've also been very fortunate in the midst of a year riddled with loss and struggle for most people. "I think we're very lucky to say that," she added, "because we're not out of work and we're not looking at eviction and we're not struggling to put food on the table."
Still, Shepard was able to reflect on his personal battles with positivity. "I'm saying though even with two surgeries and a relapse and shame spiral and all this stuff," he listed off, "still a great year for me."