As Christina Perri sings in "Jar of Hearts," "Dear, it took so long just to feel alright."
Well now, two weeks after she suffered a pregnancy loss, the musician is opening up about her unbearable grief and reflecting on "the worst experience of my life."
On Tuesday, Dec. 8, the mom shared the raw reality she's been facing, writing on Instagram about the "overwhelming" emotions and "moments of surrender" that have come after she lost her baby girl in November.
Christina said her husband Paul Costabile, 2-year-old daughter Carmella Stanley Costabile and she have been "learning to navigate our grief together." She continued, "some days we can't swim, some days we float fine. every day we burst into tears and every day we find moments to laugh. it's been all the feelings, all the emotions, all the questions, all the anger, all the sadness; all day long. some moments of surrender and hope slip in there, but not often."
The "A Thousand Years" singer added, "the days have been long and yet also feel like they all blend into one. we're not ok, but we believe in a day we will be. me, paul, and carmella all wrap each other up in love and in sadness everyday."
She explained that throughout the journey, the thing that's been most overwhelming has been the love and support she has received. "yes, it's been the worst experience of my life, but how bittersweet to also be the most loved i've ever felt at the same time. thank you," the 34-year-old said. "thank you to everyone we know and everyone we don't know who has held us up and everyone who has carried us through so far."
The "Arms" artist gave a "heartfelt thank you" to other parents that continue to show "their own wounds and pain to help soften ours." She wrote, "you all have shown us a kindness we'll never forget. we love you."
Back in January, Christina revealed she was "heartbroken" to have suffered a miscarriage at 11 weeks. Six months later, she shared the news that their rainbow baby was on the way and they were expecting again.
But in mid-November, the So You Think You Can Dance alum told fans she was having pregnancy complications and needed to be hospitalized. It was just two weeks later that Christina said her daughter was sadly born silent "after fighting so hard."
She said one comfort during her grief has been her little pug, Chocolate Chip, who has brought "a little bit of joy" back into her house and hasn't left Christina's side.
Moving forward, she's going to stay off social media to continue to heal alongside her family. Her accounts will be run by her team to promote any upcoming music—which might come sooner than fans think.
Christina teased, "the next time you hear from me my album will be ready! which, honestly, is the hopeful future self i look forward to healing back into soon." She wrote, "it truly is my favorite music i've ever made, so i am deeply excited for when the moment is right to give it to you."
The songwriter concluded the post by looking ahead to 2021, saying, "i hope after a year that brought us so many storms, we find only rainbows in the new one." We hope Christina knows we've loved her all year, and we'll love her for a thousand more.