Now it really feels like a normal season of The Bachelorette.
While the first few episodes of this season found all the men mad at Bachelorette Pt. 1 Clare Crawley and the one and only Dale Moss, they've all moved on to being mad at each other as they fight for the heart of Bachelorette Pt. 2 Tayshia Adams. That's how things usually are and that's what we're comfortable with, even as it becomes annoying. It's a comforting kind of annoying.
Tonight, the fight was between Ed and Chasen. They were both involved in a date that was designed to help Tayshia find a "grown-ass man," but unfortunately neither one of them really acted like one.
Ed fell prey to that thing where one contestant gets so obsessed with how much another contestant sucks that they can't actually focus on dating their star. Chasen was the sucky contestant in question, a man who learned the term "smokeshow" and then couldn't stop saying it. He also learned that he sometimes goes by the name of Wolverine and refused to accept Ed, who was at all times holding a fake baby, declaring his shirt a size "smedium."
"It's actually a large," said Chasen.
Ed couldn't get over the fact that Chasen described both Clare and Tayshia as a smokeshow, but when you google the term "smokeshow," you get the definition, "an extremely physically attractive individual."
On one hand, that word does work for both women. On the other hand, there are many other words he could come up with to more accurately and more respectfully and more distinctly describe his two girlfriends. Also, the Wolverine thing is real weird.
The irritating masculinity fight did not end there, and got even more literal as the next date forced the men to wrestle for Tayshia's heart. Obviously we couldn't have an episode with the men cooking and caring for babies without also making them physically fight each other for time with Tayshia. Gotta have that manly balance!
Ed had to forfeit his match with Chasen because he has chronically dislocating shoulders, so Noah hopped the fence into the ring to compete, which Tayshia rewarded him for. It all just felt sort of caveman-ish, like this show isn't quite sure what to do with the concept of masculinity. Either you're cooking or you're oiled up and wrestling and there is no in-between.
Tayshia then made Noah shave his mustache (which was his only defining feature by which we remembered his name) and then declared him "like, kinda hot."
"What was I before?" he wondered, but we may never know. He at least got a rose for his troubles, which made a lot of other men very mad. But then again, the other men are always mad, so there's nothing new here.
Congrats to Tayshia the Smokeshow for getting rid of Noah's mustache and we'll see you all next week!
The Bachelorette airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC.