Dear Younger Self,
What's up? How are you? If this letter is reaching you correctly, you're sitting on your couch waiting for the Tuesday, Oct. 20 episode of The Bachelorette to begin, thinking it's going to be the funny, occasionally cringe-worthy but ultimately silly time that it usually is. Well, this is your slightly older self from right after the Tuesday, Oct. 20 episode of The Bachelorette ended, and we're here to tell you it's not. It's a weird one. It gets deep and awkward and heavy in a way you weren't expecting.
Sure, there are blind folds and strip dodgeball, but there's also desert screaming and a somewhat unexpected reaction to the concept of strip dodgeball. Still, it is not as fun as you imagined it might be, even with all the butts. The butts are weirdly sad—like emotionally, not physically.
Sorry this was such a stupid use of time travel. Drink some water please!
Love, your slightly older, slightly thirstier self.
It's hard to tell what went the most awry during tonight's episode of The Bachelorette. Was Clare Crawley frustrating or completely killing it? Were all of the men very irritating or in the right? Was strip dodgeball generally humiliating or only humiliating for the guys who lost every round?
One thing we do know is that we don't blame Clare for having her eye on one guy and just sort of giving up on all the rest, because no one else really even seems like they're that into her.
Was Blake Moynes really that upset that he specifically didn't get time with Clare, or was he just feeling like a sore loser after the dodgeball game? And why did he get a rose after Clare actively pushed away his advances?
We can definitely imagine that Brandon thought he was going into that convo with Clare all smooth, telling her he was so thrilled that she in particular was the Bachelorette because she's "obviously so beautiful." He was fully caught off guard when "You're from Sacramento" wasn't an acceptable second reason to be into her, but he really set himself up for failure (and for being sent home) all on his own with this one.
Then there's the Dale of it all. He's still cute and we still get it, but Clare's not giving him much of a chance to show her how he feels before she goes on and on about how she feels, or freaking out if she's not getting the validation she needs.
When Dale did make speeches, they were all about how he's going to be himself, no matter who's watching. That's cool, but it doesn't really feel like we've seen any evidence of it yet.
So far, it just feels like Clare had her mind made up from the moment she saw Dale, and now she's just trying to get through the rest of this while waiting for Dale to confirm that he feels the same way. She's got no time for bulls--t, but she's got all the time for Dale. Weird how none of the other guys are very happy about that!
We also nearly forgot to talk about that weird therapy date with Jason. They screamed, they wrote letters to their younger selves (hence the opening of this article), they vaguely opened up about major issues from their past. That's a weird first date, bro. Get Jason some real therapy after this please!
Anyway, we're now just waiting for Tayshia Adams to make her arrival so we can watch her find love and so Clare and Dale can do this thing for real.
Please, The Bachelorette—get there soon.
The Bachelorette airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC.