Terry Bradshaw said it best on tonight's all-new episode of The Bradshaw Bunch: "I'm going quarantine crazy!"
Fans of the E! show have watched in recent weeks as the football family showed signs the coronavirus pandemic was about to hit—namely, Terry's wife Tammy scolding him for being too friendly and shaking hands with everyone—and now, they're in full-blown quarantine...together!
Terry somehow convinced all three of his daughters, their husbands and kids to come stay at his sprawling ranch for the duration of the pandemic, and despite Erin, Lacey and Rachel being hesitant for a number of reasons—from an apparent ghost residing there to "nine wiener dogs" running around at all times—they seemed genuinely excited for some family bonding time.
Then reality set in.
"Dad is such a workaholic, I feel like he's gonna go insane in this house," Rachel said in a confessional alongside Lacey, who made a comparison to Jack Nicholson's character in The Shining, only for her daughter (and Terry's BFF), 7-year-old Zurie, to pop up from behind the couch and menacingly repeat "REDRUM."
The scare certainly didn't help calm Rachel's fears about the house being haunted, but we'll come back to that later since her prediction about her dad going stir-crazy came true a lot sooner than expected.
One minute Terry was dining on worms, and the next he was watering plants donning Daisy Dukes and a cowboy hat!
"I'm rethinking this whole quarantining with family thing," Rachel said. "I'll take my chances with the virus."
Terry's next outfit turned out to be a tutu and a unicorn hat, but to be fair, this was just to please Zurie, who was in desperate need of a tea party. As Bradshaw Bunch fans surely recall, Terry's in the midst of convincing her parents to leave Hawaii and move closer to the rest of the family.
"If this what it takes to get Lacey and Noah to move to Texas, I'll be their fairy godmother," Terry told Tammy. "Bippity boppity Bradshaw!"
Surprisingly, the tea party resulted in a meaningful conversation between Terry and Noah. The former NFL star even opened up about why he's going "quarantine crazy."
"My work is my self esteem," Terry explained. "I work all the time."
"Now look at me!" he added, pointing to his colorful tutu.
Thankfully, Zurie chimed in with some valuable advice.
"Guess what pappy, you're stuck here!" she told Terry. "So you might as well learn to go with the flow!"
The flow, however, turned out to be very chaotic even without all of Terry's antics.
"That means that you were cheating on me, talking to her behind my back to get together five days later after we break up, then knock her up three weeks after that," Rachel said while discussing the matter with Erin and Lacey. "Classic messy Dustin."
Despite being upset about the news, Rachel remained committed to moving on throughout the episode. Her sisters even set her up on several dating apps, but between her seeing potential matches with jobs like "professional cat snuggler" and discovering Erin and Lacey made her screen name "Farm Girl," Rachel seemed to give up hope.
Terry, as always, came in with some reassuring advice.
"Don't let it harden your heart," he told her. "Don't give up on love."
"You're just gonna have to be patient," Terry added, noting that while he could introduce her to a few "football guys," he's "honestly kind of scared" of what she'd do to them.
Meanwhile, everyone else was scared of the alleged ghost that resided in Terry's house.
It certainly didn't help that Terry was saying things like, "Tammy and I, many times, will go in that room over there and we've walked in and both turned to each other and go, 'It's here.' You can feel the coldness."
"That coronavirus ain't got nothing on this sucker," Terry added, referring to the ghost. "When he wakes up and wants to play..."
Cue the lights going out.
Naturally, Tammy was revealed to have been playing a prank on the group—but that still didn't explain how a bottle of champagne randomly broke at the end of the episode.
What did make sense as the all-new episode of The Bradshaw Bunch came to a close, was Terry's realization that "family time is much more important than work."
Still, there was no way all three of his daughters and their families were going to stick around for six weeks like Terry wanted.
"F--k all of you," he affectionally told them.