Terry Bradshaw like you've never seen him before.
The Bradshaw Bunch kicked off tonight, and if the premiere was any indication of what's to come on the hilarious docu-series, the E! show will almost certainly wind up being your pick for MVP this fall television season.
In the brand new back-to-back episodes, the Hall of Fame quarterback and acclaimed sports analyst introduced viewers to his 800-acre ranch—complete with hundreds of horses, cows and a donkey named Snoop Donk—along with his wife Tammy and three daughters, Rachel, Lacey and Erin.
It didn't take long for the drama to unfold, even though at one point Terry declared, "This is not the Kardashians!"
He spelled out everything he was grappling with in a confessional alongside his 7-year-old granddaughter Zurie: "I got three girls, which means I have three problems. I gotta get Lacey, your mom, to move to Texas so we all can be together. I gotta help Rachel with her business because she's starting over."
"And my problem with Erin is, she had a little procedure and she hasn't told me about it, quite honestly," Terry added, referring to his youngest daughter's boob job. "It's driving me crazy!"
"Man, you got a lot of problems, Poppy," replied Zurie, who, let's be honest, is bound to be the breakout star of the show.
Not long after this, Terry realized that Zurie could actually play a key role in convincing Lacey and her husband Noah to move from Hawaii to Texas. As he prophetically put it, "Win over the child, convince the father!"
Lacey, who's technically Terry's stepdaughter, discussed the matter a number of times throughout both episodes, and while she certainly seemed open to the idea—especially since she and Terry are so close—she also recalled how difficult it was initially joining the Bradshaw family at 11-years-old.
"Coming into the Bradshaw family was certainly an experience," Lacey began. "Me and Erin were the same age. It's just like putting two people together and saying, 'Hi, you have to be friends.' That's not necessarily going to happen overnight."
She continued, "Rachel and Erin are so close, I wondered if they even wanted another sister. I mean, I know it's gotta be hard to share your dad. So I think there's always been some, of course, sibling rivalry."
So when Lacey bet Terry she could beat him in a monster truck race, and he ultimately had to back out, who better for her to face off against than Erin herself?
The change of plans occurred after Terry ended up having a panic attack while climbing into the monster truck—an experience that was definitely hard to watch.
"For Dad to have a panic attack, that's super scary. You've got a lot of people watching you," Rachel said after the incident. "I can't imagine being him and like, if you're going through something difficult in public, you can't escape from that."
Terry, of course, took the whole thing like a champ. Within minutes of the scare, he was offering up $100,000 to Rachel or Erin so Lacey could still race.
Erin eventually accepted, and she even went on to win—but more importantly, the whole thing brought the sisters closer together!
Meanwhile, Terry was also trying to help Rachel launch her real estate career. His strategy? Placing bench ads all over Dallas that read "Seal the Deal with Rachel Bradshaw."
"This is a level beyond anything in my life," she said in a confessional after seeing the well-meaning but hilarious signs. "I don't think he understands what the phrase 'seal the deal' really means."
Still, it was when the two went to look at one of the ads in-person that they were able to have a deep conversation about where Rachel is in her life.
As she explained to The Bradshaw Bunch cameras in an emotional confessional, she was previously married to Tennessee Titans kicker Rob Bironas.
"He passed away from a car accident about three months into marriage," she revealed. "It's like, you've got just the world at your fingertips and this great wedding and this wonderful marriage and then you're checking the 'widow' box at like 27."
In the years since Rachel's tragic loss, she's begun dating again, but Terry is obviously extremely protective.
"I just don't want to see you get hurt," Terry told her, sprinkling in some humor to lighten the mood. "Well...you've certainly tried them all, that's for sure. Baseball players, entertainers—what's his name, the little skinny kid with the pants down to his ass?"
Talk about a major dad moment.
Watch the scene play out and catch up with everything else you missed on the first two episodes of The Bradshaw Bunch by tuning in to the full episodes here!