Whether she's wearing her heart on her sleeve in her music or having candid conversations on her talk show, Kelly Clarkson is an open book. But there's one topic the 38-year-old singer isn't willing to publicly discuss: her divorce from Brandon Blackstock.
The three-time Grammy winner explained why during a new interview with the Los Angeles Times. "I am a very open person," Clarkson said, "but I'm not going to be able to be truly open about this in certain aspects because there's kids involved."
That's not to say The Kelly Clarkson Show host won't be willing to talk about it in the future. But she expects it to be in a more natural way.
"I think that I will navigate a way in which to be open and honest about it eventually, probably via the show, and it'll probably, I'm assuming, happen organically when someone says something in conversation or something," she explained. "It definitely wouldn't be planned."
For now, Clarkson just wants to protect her family. She and Blackstock share two children, 6-year-old River Rose and 4-year-old Remington Alexander. He also has two teenagers, Savannah and Seth, from a previous marriage.
"But my children and his older children—there are a lot of little hearts involved in this and while people feel, ‘Oh my gosh, what a loss ...' imagine how it is in the epicenter of the storm," she continued. "It's a lot to process and deal with, just as a family. So because it's not just me, I probably won't go too deep with it."
Clarkson filed for divorce from the 43-year-old music manager in June after nearly seven years of marriage. The split wasn't the only challenge Clarkson faced this year. She also had to learn how to produce her year-old show remotely while navigating the new realities of the global coronavirus pandemic, something Clarkson called a "turd of a situation."
"That was not fun," she told the newspaper. "I'm trying to smile and light up America's life [and] I'm just wanting to drown myself in the creek next to me ... I do remember, right before then, I was like: ‘Look, at some point, people in the limelight are humans too and we're all going through the same roller coaster as everyone else. So sometimes I don't want to smile.' I was honest about that. It doesn't matter who you are, it's all relative to your own world."
Like many parents, she's also experiencing a new kind of school year. While River is taking online courses, Remi is back in the classroom. However, Clarkson's music is helping her get through it all.
"It's funny, I actually told my therapist recently, ‘I have no idea how one goes through any kind of huge life change, like a divorce, that doesn't have some kind of an outlet,'" Clarkson said. "I am very lucky. Even from my childhood, my mom told me I had a problem expressing my emotions and all these things when I was really young and that I should start writing. So that's me expressing it. I usually leave it in the songs and that's usually my therapy."
She continued, "It's just like people dealing with the pandemic. Some days are fine, you're laughing about it and there's comedic things about it—in a dark comedy kind of way—but then there are other times that are so low that you just don't know if you're going to get picked back up. And then there's other times when you're like, ‘OK, fresh start.' ... I'm incapable of not incorporating it into my music because that is my outlet."
To read her full interview, check out the Los Angeles Times.