BACKGRIDParis Jackson is turning her pain into purpose.
On the latest episode of her Facebook Watch docuseries Unfiltered: Paris Jackson & Gabriel Glenn, the 22-year-old daughter of Michael Jackson details her lifelong struggle with body image and why she turned to self-harm as a way to cope.
"I was the only girl of four boys for the first 10, 11 years of my life," Paris recalled. "Because I was the only girl, my dad loved playing dress-up. I looked like a porcelain doll and I hated it."
It wasn't until after her father's death in 2009 that Paris said she began gaining weight while living with her grandmother, Katherine Jackson. "Food became an addiction and then a cousin called me fat so I was like, 'OK, I can't do that anymore.' And that's how I fell into self-harm," she shared.
"I would cut and burn myself," Paris revealed. "I never thought that I would die from it because I was always in control of the razor and I knew how deep I was going."
Paris went on to say she was constantly looking to ride a dopamine high, explaining, "There's a lot of things that cause a dopamine release. Self-harm was one of them, tattoos was one of them and so there was that and then also it was a distraction from emotional pain and transferring to physical pain and the need for control."
She then admitted, "Yes, I tried to kill myself many times."
In 2013, Jackson began attending a therapeutic boarding school in Utah following a reported suicide attempt.
The model and singer told Rolling Stone in a 2017 interview that "self-hatred" drove her to her breaking point. "Low self-esteem," she explained at the time, "thinking that I couldn't do anything right, not thinking I was worthy of living anymore."
Then in early 2019, Paris checked herself into a mental health treatment facility. "Yes I've taken a break from work and social media and my phone because it can be too much sometimes," she wrote on Instagram, "and everyone deserves a break, but I am happy and healthy and feeling better than ever!"
Now, thanks to her celebrity platform and support from boyfriend-turned-bandmate Gabriel Glenn, Paris said she hopes to inspire others to prioritize their wellbeing.
"When I first got into the fashion world I didn't understand that I couldn't be myself all the time," she said in the docuseries episode. "I still struggle to accept myself but that's what I want to influence. I want to influence self-acceptance and courage and being comfortable in your own skin. I'm just working on content, trying to be content. Baby steps. Self-love is f--king hard."