Billie Eilish Shares History With Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

Billie Eilish, 18, opened up about her struggles with suicidal thoughts in a new interview with Gayle King, sharing that she didn't think she would "make it to 17."

By kelli boyle Jan 24, 2020 12:16 PMTags
Billie Eilish, 2019 Billboard Women in Music, Red Carpet FashionMatt Baron/Shutterstock

Billie Eilish has been open with her fans in the past about her mental health struggles. The 18-year-old star has turned to her lyrics in the past as a way of expressing those struggles, but she commented on her mental health and past thoughts of suicide in an interview with Gayle King.

As part of The Gayle King Grammy Special that aired Thursday night, Eilish spent a day with the host to give her an inside look into her daily life. In their sit-down interview, the "Bad Guy" singer shared that she used to self-harm and believed she wouldn't live to see her 17th birthday.

"I didn't ever think I would be happy again, ever," she said.

King noted in the special that the pressure and isolation that came with her newfound fame contributed to her falling into a clinical depression.

As Eilish shared, "I don't want to be too dark, but I genuinely didn't think I would make it to 17."

"You didn't think you'd make it to 17?" King responded. "But did you think that you would do something to yourself?"

As the star responded, "Yeah."

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The "Bury A Friend" singer then shared the story of a time in Berlin when she struggled with thoughts of suicide.

"I remember there was a window right there," she said of her empty hotel room. "And I, God. I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was gonna die was I was gonna do it."

The Grammy nominee's song lyrics have hinted at her mental health struggles. In the song "Bury A Friend," she sings the line, "I wanna end me." King asked the artist if that line was intended to be about herself.

"It was," she shared. "It also rhymed."

She explained that the serious lyrics came from a deeply unhappy time of her life.

"I was so unhappy last year," Eilish said. "I was so unhappy, and I was so joyless."

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Now, the musician appears to be in a better place and uses her platform to connect with fans who have also self-harmed and struggle with thoughts of suicide.

Speaking of meeting with those fans, Eilish told King, "I just grab them by the shoulders and I'm like, 'Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself. Don't take that extra step and hurt yourself further and then you can't take it back.'"

Eilish will be performing at the 2020 Grammys on Sunday, Jan. 26, where she is nominated for six awards. The broadcast starts at 8 p.m. ET/5 p.m. PT on CBS.

If you or someone you know needs help, call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also call the network, previously known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741 or visit for additional resources.