Just when we were sitting here still trying to figure out why Hannah has kept Luke P. on The Bachelorette through all this madness, she finally explained it and called everyone out in the process with maybe the best speech any Bachelorette has ever given, fueled by a quickly downed glass of champagne and some fully understandable frustration.
First, the episode picked up were last week left off, with Luke's one-on-one. Hannah refused to give him the rose, and at first she told him she was sending him home, but he returned to plead his case. He still didn't get a rose, but she allowed him to stay. He then went back to the house where the guys were staying and explained the situation, while all Garrett cared about was whether Luke had kept his promise to him to not mention any other guys' names on the date (after the Luke S. debacle). Luke swore he didn't mention a single other name.
At the cocktail party before the rose ceremony, Garrett sat down with Hannah and had a nice moment with her, before very respectfully asking if Luke brought up any of the other guys. Hannah said that with her prompting, he talked about Mike, Dylan, and Devin, so of course Garrett went back in the living room to confront Luke about lying.
This caused a huge argument, and Hannah came in and tried to calm everyone down by explaining that she had asked him to explain the situations that had come up. All she wanted was for everyone to keep to themselves, please, and she went back to drink some champagne with a producer while the argument audibly continued.
Occasionally we'd just get an incredible cut back to Hannah with her glass of champagne until finally she downed it, stomped down the stairs, and interrupted Luke in a moment of—surprise surprise—making excuses. What followed was the speech to end all speeches, transcribed here in its entirety.
"Luke, you need to stop making excuses, and we've talked about that, because I'm frustrated and if I'm frustrated, then I know the whole house is. Just own up to the things you have flaws about and try to fix those. But also, stop the focus on him, because I can figure that out for myself, and focus on me, and know that I'm a grown-ass woman, and I can decide if I want to spend my time figuring all this out or if I don't, but you're not in my conversations with him just like he's not in the conversation with all of you. So, I'm not defending him in any way, because before any of you all brought anything up to me, there are concerns with him, but it doesn't mean that I don't have concerns with all of you, and I'm still giving you the benefit of the doubt. So please stop pointing fingers at other people, and allow me to do that, and focus on yourself and what maybe I need from you.
I feel like everybody thinks it's just Luke that makes me feel frickin' psycho and irritated right now. It's all of you. It's truly all of you that makes me feel this way. And although I came in here like so ready to get to know you and start sharing things about me that none of you know, none of you know anything about me and why I'm here and what makes me me and things that I've gone through, and so like I don't feel comfortable in any of this because nobody's even asked, because all we do is talk about stupid s--t, and so I don't want to talk to anybody, because at this point, I'm just like really defeated from all of you, so I don't want to do this."
With that, Hannah ended up crying in Chris Harrison's arms while he did his best to tell Hannah all of this was only because these men cared so much, which is nice but not exactly helpful in the moment.
Somehow, Hannah was able to go on with the rose ceremony, narrowing it down to the top nine. Somehow, after all that, it made sense that Hannah gave Luke that final rose. Clearly, she sees something in him and wants to give it a chance, even if no one else (including us) understands it.
After Grant, Kevin, and Devin were all sent home, everyone headed to Latvia hoping for a fresh start that obviously didn't happen. Hannah was still upset once they got to Latvia, and told Chris Harrison she wasn't sure this could work for her or for anybody at all.
Cut to a sit down interview, which Chris told us was filmed during the hometown dates a couple of weeks later, with Hannah and Chris looking back over the season so far, highlighting some of the non-Luke guys like Jed, Peter, Tyler, and Mike and the relationships she's formed with them so far.
That means we have to wait for next week for more of this drama, and based on the wild preview at the end of tonight's episode, this might actually be the most dramatic season of all time.
The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.