Hannah Brown really wants her men to be bold.
What does bold mean, exactly? A lot of different things, according to tonight's episode of The Bachelorette, during which that word was said a total of 14 times—17, if you count during previews and one commercial for Listerine.
All Hannah wants is a man who's bold, but it turns out that might be a dangerously vague word to use so many times to describe your perfect mate (and also yourself).
It started with a Mr. Right pageant, judged by runway expert Miss J and drag queens Alyssa Edwards and Alaska, and Hannah first uttered the word as John Paul Jones strutted along the catwalk in a speedo.
"John Paul Jones is a talent in and of himself, but that's what I wanna see. I want 'em to have fun, I want 'em to be bold, and I want them to surprise me today," Hannah informed the camera.
During the talent portion, JPJ rode a unicycle, Jed wrote a song, Mike wore high heels (to walk a mile in Hannah's shoes), and Luke P. decided his talent was making absurd first date statements like "I'm falling in love with you." That is actually very bold, and it worked for him to win the pageant (even though that is insane and not a talent).
During the cocktail party, Hannah praised the boldness.
"I was super impressed, and you all showed how bold you all are in your own unique way," she said, raising her glass. "So to you guys for being bold and making me feel like a queen, cheers."
At the post date cocktail party, Luke P. promised Hannah he really was falling in love with her and he was "scared" of telling her that tonight, because he didn't know how she would handle it, but he just can't hide it.
"I am glad you told me," Hannah said. "That's all I've been asking for is somebody to fight for me and be...I mean, like I asked for bold, and you're bold."
Then they made out, like they would many more times.
"There's such a part of me that wants to be like, him, it's him. 'Cause he's saying everything my heart needs him to say. Everything."
So, declaring your love on the first date (a first date that includes a large group of other guys) is bold, and good.
On a one-on-one date, Tyler G. expressed how he's not worried about looking vulnerable or cool, because it doesn't matter. A guy's supposed to be strong and cool and collected, but that's apparently no way to live. You gotta reach out and care and be genuine.
"I think it's really strong that you're able—and bold and attractive—that you're able to express how you feel. That's what a relationship's about."
Expressing yourself is, once again, bold.
Then, Cam (Always Be Careful (Around Cam)) adopted the word as his own, to use it however he wished, specifically when he got mad that he wasn't invited on the roller derby date and was left at the mansion to twiddle his thumbs.
"I'm, you know, obviously motivated more than ever go to and create time with Hannah and be bold because, as I always say, A-B-C: Always Be Cam," Cam said.
Meanwhile, on the actual roller derby date, Tyler C. was also thinking about being bold even though his team lost at roller derbying.
"I'm a bad loser, so tonight is huge to spend time with Hannah to show her my best side and be bold for her," he said.
Dustin took a swing after the date, after he got injured on the track. He tried to explain to Hannah why he's been a little quiet.
"I've been so nervous, like every time. I'm not like a lot of the other guys. Like I know I'm shy and quiet, and I do want to be bold for you, but I just have to find my own way," he explained.
Then, Cam enacted his "bold" plan. He just showed up with a bouquet of flowers and puns like "hannahlytical" and "hannahlyze." Hannah even thanked him for coming out and letting her know he was thinking of her.
"I left the mansion tonight to come and just see Hannah," Cam said. "I wanted to reaffirm my intentions with her and let her know that I know what her expectations are. She's looking for a man who's going to be bold. She's looking for a man who is going to break out of his comfort zone and push the conventions."
As Cam left, Daron was expressing his disapproval.
"The one thing that Hannah looks for is someone who's bold, and I think one thing that comes with bold is being confident, and what he did shows none of that," he said.
Later, at the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, Hannah revealed that it is she who is also bold.
"This is about me deciding what type of person I wanna spend the rest of my life with and for them to know what their getting, and that's a strong, emotional, real, bold woman who's not scared of laying it all out there."
During the rose ceremony, we got a whole lotta commentary from one Mr. Luke P.
"Just knowing Hannah, I mean she's nonstop talk about being bold, but Cam's the wrong kind of bold," Luke explained, and Cam disagreed.
"I'm the type of guy that, when I want something, I go all in. I don't wanna be passive, because Hannah straight up said that's not what she wants. She wants a bold man," he said, just before receiving the final rose.
"I'm really excited about the group of men that I have here, and I am continuing to look for men that make bold moves," Hannah then told us.
Cam then did his own toast to "my future best friend, Mrs. Hannah Ayala," and that apparent bold declaration that she would one day take his last name did not seem to fully sink in.
"Gotta be bold fellas, gotta be bold," Cam said like he's abandoning "Always Be Cam" for "Gotta Be Bold," and then continued: "Did she not affirm what I was telling you guys all along? You just to be yourself and be real and be bold."
Meanwhile, Luke P. was hightailing it over to Hannah in the middle of her post-rose ceremony interview to make out for a bit.
So currently, it seems like all of the guys have heard Hannah's many declarations that she wants a man to be bold, and now they're in a fight over who can be the most bold. Currently the only two guys who are really competing are Luke P. and Cam in the worst, most cringeworthy ways possible.
Meanwhile, the rest of the guys like to say the word, but they're not quite sure how to act on it in a way that's not what Luke's doing and not what Cam's doing, and we're over here pretty sure "bold" isn't actually even a word anymore.
Now we're going to be our boldest selves and go right on home. Good night.
The Boldchelerette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC, but scroll down to see our thoughts on which guys are killing it and also not so much below:
Tyler C. is officially our favorite, on and off screen. His Twitter account is delightful. His Instagram is delightful. He chooses his words to Luke very carefully. He loved that Hannah was down for naked bungee jumping, even if it wasn't with him, because he likes that she makes her own decisions. He brought her a bouquet of flowers in the middle of the group date. If Hannah doesn't end up with Tyler C., we will be first in the line that will surely form (if he's not the next Bachelor).
Well hot damn Peter the Pilot. That sauna date was indecently sexy, and Hannah and Peter just look so comfortable together. He seems fun, they have fun together, and we're very much on board with Pilot Pete.
Garrett jumped to the forefront of the Luke situation last week, but this week he made up for it with a jump of a different kind. Even though they were absolutely terrified, he and Hannah went naked bungee jumping, and then had a really good conversation over dinner.
Then the Luke drama unfolded over that naked bungee jumping, but Garrett kept his cool as best he could in the face of a man who was not keeping his cool.
Mike's still there, still in the game, doing his best in the midst of all the Luke, still smiling that heart-melting smile.
Connor is still there, but he's barely spoken for weeks. We actually had to rewind the episode a couple of times to actually make sure he was physically still there.
Ohhhh Jed. Jed was doing so well, and still is on screen. Off screen...it appears he was perhaps even worse than Scott, the guy who Hannah dramatically threw out in the premiere for having a girlfriend. Jed allegedly had a girlfriend for four months before the show, and just wanted to promote his music career. Looks like he left that out of his little confession to Hannah about the music!
Onscreen this week, he really pulled out all the stops, even appearing at Hannah's window to sing her a song. He was then in Hannah's bed singing her a song, until she slowly pulled that guitar away...But can we just be honest and say Jed's made up song about Riga there at the end was the best he's ever sounded?
"You going naked bungee jumping with Garrett felt like a slap in the face...but I just want you to know that I will support you even when you make boneheaded decisions" is basically the speech Luke thought was going to win him a date rose.
This man continues to impress with just how boneheaded he is. And yet he still ended up with a rose.
Dylan seems great and has a pretty fun fashion sense, but he was very much on the sidelines throughout the season. We hope to see more of Dylan in the future.
Dustin seems like a really nice guy who got to say maybe two words the entire season, which is unfortunate but not unusual this season. Maybe he can secure a spot in Paradise to prove he's a really nice guy?
Kevin's two standout moments this season: Getting mysteriously injured during rugby, and accidentally discovering Hannah in Jed's lap in the castle. And now he is no more.
Grant is still just the unemployed guy who brought a hotdog to the mansion on night one, and now he's gone. Bye, Grant.
Devin, you never once made an impression and that is really too bad. We don't even know what "situation" Luke was referring to with you and Dylan. Good luck to you, Devin.
Luke S. didn't deserve this but he's probably got a bright future in Paradise. Hopefully his sacrifice was worth it and Luke P. will soon be gone.
John Paul Jones was only ever John Paul Jones, nothing more and nothing less. We will miss him. And if he's not in Paradise there will be a revolt. We need more John! Paul! Jones!
We are so, so disappointed that Matteo never even spoke, let alone got to tell Hannah about the fact that he's fathered 114 children via sperm donor. What a letdown that fun fact was.
Jonathan is really going to have to step it up if he wants us to remember anything about him!
We still don't remember Joey, so either he got very little screen time or we've confused him with one of the other guys who looks exactly like him.
Why Cam got a rose in episode two after all his barging in is beyond us, and why Cam wasn't immediately sent home after losing it on Mike is equally beyond us, but Hannah came to her senses in episode three.
Our new catchphrase? NBC. Never. Be. Cam.
That said, there's no way that guy doesn't show up in Paradise.
Tyler G. got the first one-on-one date of the season, which involved a helicopter ride and four-wheelers in the mud. He and Hannah seemed to have a fine time but Tyler G. made no impression on us whatsoever, and then Hannah announced that he had to leave. So bye Tyler G!
Au revoir, Connor J.
Could not tell you a single thing Matthew did or said.
Goodbye Daron. We hardly knew ye. In fact, we didn't know ye at all.
Hannah really likes his name and the paper airplane was a really cute choice. If only he weren't immediately shown up by Peter in his actual pilot's uniform, maybe he would have gotten a rose!
Ryan rolled up on roller skates and then rolled right out of there into the night. :(
Matt Donald didn't get a rose. We feel sad for Matt Donald?? Seems like Matt Donald might have a future in Paradise...
Goodbye, Thomas. We hardly knew ye.
Maybe if Brian had calmed down on the caffeine he would have been able to stick around.
Poor Hunter failed to make an impression on Hannah or us.
JOE SELLS BOXES. JOE LOVES BOXES. JOE CAN MAKE ANY TYPE OR SIZE OF BOX. JOE JUMPS OUT OF BOXES. And yet Hannah made the better "package" joke before he could even unbox himself, and so she sent him home.
Scott was the guy who once ran around a mall food court like a "flying chicken" according to his bio, and he got out of the limo
He then straight up ruined that cocktail party with his girlfriend from Monday. He could have just left it alone, but then he compared his having a girlfriend on Monday to Hannah having just dated Colton on a TV show. It was a bad move, and Scott is currently losing the most. Good going, Scott.