What is up with this season of The Bachelor, man?
Three women have now left of their own accord: Elyse, Sydney, and now first kiss Heather. Just ahead of hometown dates, where each of the women is supposed to bring Colton Underwood home to meet their parents, Heather told Colton she wasn't secure enough in their relationship to introduce him to her family, and she literally hopped on a train and got out of there.
The symbolism wasn't exactly subtle.
That was barely the most dramatic thing that happened tonight, as Colton asked Tayshia, his first one-on-one of the night, who all the eliminated women had been talking about when they warned him there were some girls who couldn't be trusted. Tayshia pretty immediately named Miss North Carolina Caelynn and Cassie (who is also on another reality show apparently), claiming that apparently, they'd been talking about becoming the Bachelorette and actually saying they weren't ready to get married.
This was shocking on multiple levels, because Caelynn and Cassie seemed like real frontrunners, and we've never seen any evidence on camera of any of the things Tayshia was claiming they said. But Kirpa also believed Cassie and Caelynn were guilty of these things, and she'd been hearing "rumors" of this untrustworthy behavior for weeks.
All we know is that this show has hours and hours of footage that they're apparently not showing us, because there's no way they didn't capture at least some of those conversations on camera.
Also, where did Kirpa even come from? They never gave her any screentime, and now she's leading a charge?
Good news for Caelynn, though. Colton brought Miss Alabama Hannah home to meet his parents, and it was about as awkward as unofficial hometown dates can get.
Before heading inside to meet the 'rents, Colton foreshadowed how the evening would go because he uttered the words that are often so foreboding: "I know how much they love me, and they know how much I love them. And they're always gonna give me the advice that I need whether I wanna hear it or not."
Despite Hannah's profession of love for the 27-year-old, he apparently wasn't feeling it. Did it take a hometown date to cement that?
"You could tell Hannah is incredible and amazing. And while we were in Thailand, she told me that she was falling in love with me, but I'm not there yet," he told his mom.
When Hannah and Colton had dinner later that night, she told him she was falling in love and he offered a response that was less than ideal for someone on the other end. "I appreciate hearing that," he told the former Miss Alabama.
"Coming into this week, I think I spent so much time questioning who's ready in all of this that I didn't get to really look in the mirror and ask myself, 'Am I ready?' And I think, more importantly, "Am I ready for us?'" he said later. "And I don't know if I'm there."
Tonight's episode, the last before hometown dates, ended with Caelynn approaching Colton to tell him that everything he had been hearing was a lie, and apparently he believed her. He gave Cassie the group date rose, sending Kirpa (because Heather had bailed) on her way home.
So Colton has clearly chosen who to believe, but we're not so sure yet. Where is the footage, ABC? Is there footage? Is it all made up? What is the truth?!
AND WHERE IS THAT PROMISED FENCE JUMP?! We'll be waiting.
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.