AP Photo/Ric Feld

Each week we receive literally thousands of emails alerting us to the latest developments in Brazilian aphrodisiacs. Mixed in with these is an occasional missive from an actual viewer of The Soup. While it would be very tiresome to respond to each letter, we have done the absolute least we can and posted some questions and answers below. If yours is not included, please, don’t take it personally! It most likely is only absent because our response was not deemed legally safe.

2briehl asks: Hi Joel, my daughter Gabrielle and I are going to see your show at the Keswick in Philly on Friday. She is 13. Is the content of the show appropriate for her? If not, we still love you and she stays home and I bring someone else!”
Well, we guess it’s too late now, 2briehl, and we apologize, but we hope the show went smoothly and you and your daughter or friend had a wonderful time. If not, as is more often the case, The Soup has set up a crisis conflict care center to help survivors deal with the emotional—and often physical—scars that can result after one of Joel McHale's “stand-up” performances.

ngrossman asks: Will Joel be on Dancing With the Stars next season? I was hoping to see him on the show this year.
Joel cannot perform on next season’s DWTS due to a neck injury sustained while beating his head against the wall during this season’s DWTS.

clarice11 asks: I would like to see The Soup each evening, but now I cannot find The Soup on the TV schedule. Why not show more of The Soup and less of The Girls Next Door and Kardashians? These two programs are for the very stupid people and bore me to tears.
Your words are like golden droplets of something or other to our ears. Clicking on “Schedule” in the tool bar near the top of this page will take you to a clear, easy to read line listing of each time The Soup is beamed into your teevee set. If none of those times are convenient for you, we suggest you reexamine your priorities.

Aperez asks: What’s your multiply ID?
What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

melsaz asks: When are you going to give Mankini his own spot on here? Viewers want to get to know the man behind the Mankini. Joel? Joel who? It's all about the Mankini man!
Thank you, melsaz. Your wish is my intention. Tune in later this week for an in-depth discussion with none other than Mankini himself. It’s sure to make you question everything you thought you knew.

evee12033 asks: what happened to mankini? this new guy sucks!
Wait, which new guy? Me? Oh man.

Hhall310 asks: Joel, you need to take your shirt off and show us that bod...
Please click on the link entitled “Joel Bio.” That’s as much eye gravy as we’re legally able to provide.

darksideOTM82082 asks: How would you go about obtaining an autographed picture of Joel McHale?
I’d probably go downstairs to his office and just grab one off the stack next to his desk. You, on the other hand, are going to find it more difficult. Maybe try contracting a life-threatening illness?

kkhogan201 asks: whats up nerds. If your reading this then I'm glad someone made it as a bullsh-tter. Partyville! Joel told me I'm probably this best replacment. BoooYaaa.
Thanks for writing, kkhogan201. We’d definitely be interested in auditioning you for Joel’s replacement just as soon as his contract expires and you make parole.

amathews asks: When will the comments be working?
Good question. The comments should be working now even though the “number of comments” currently isn’t. Other things that don’t work very often: the women on the other side of this cubicle wall.

Tune in tomorrow for more tough topics tackled tenaciously!

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