Jonas Bro bits for ya, plus, who's breaking up first, Paris or Madonna? Also, John Mayer goes single for a few very bitchy secs and we check in with the experts on what the hell evil brother Christopher Ciccone's up to!

Jonas Brothers

Eugene Gologursky/

It’s a teen-pop takeover—grown-ups are so out nowadays. Our E! pal Michael Yo had a little love chat with the Jonas Brothers, the hottest new siblings of the new millennium, on his radio show. Think a younger trio of the Baldwin bros—‘cept for Billy, whom we never found any fondness for—and multiply ‘em by a few million fans or so foaming at the mouth whenever their names are uttered.

The boys seem a whole lot older than they are at ages 15, 18 and 20, and it ain’t just their decadent duds and stylish ensembles—they already know how to spin rumors of on-set romancing like pros. “Not true,” says middle bro Joe, about rumblings he was dating one of his Camp Rock costars. “I think if anything, probably just because I’m her costar and, you know, ‘Once Nick's in a movie with a costar it’s immediately going to be a connection.' ”

Miley Cyrus

Kevin Mazur/

Added to the list of denied rumors was one concerning Disney diva Miley Cyrus' ex-examining single “7 Things” that was supposedly written about alleged former amour Nick, the youngest Jonas. “Can’t be about me,” claims Nicky. Damn, can’t these kids admit to anything? They’re acting more like publicists than pop stars. Looks like they took a master class from Lindsay “These Aren’t My Pants” Lohan, the leading queen of denial, right after her mom, who still thinks she and Samantha are simply just BFFs.

Paris Hilton


More intriguing, but just less munchalicious to muse over, would be the contest Yo and I have on who’s busting up first (a deal, like most good things in life, made on the air with mucho sincerity): Paris or Madonna. Paris, I voted. By Xmas, she’ll no longer be a Madden hon—regardless if she gets knocked up, which she certainly looks to be trying to accomplish, a little booze-free ditty I broke a while back. Somewhere Kathy Hilton winces even more than that whole jail stint made her cringe.

Kim Kardashian

Jean Baptiste Lacroix/

Kim Kardashian, sis of jailbird-to-be Khloe, was also perambulating supreme last week at the Intermix do, walking down the hot pink carpet in—quelle surprise—a busty white-and-gold dress that emphasized her derriere. We would love for K2 to truly shock everyone and show up to an event in a burka. “I came out here with my best friend, Brittny [Gastineau], and she’s already ditched me, so I guess it’s a solo night out!” whined Kimmy K. Guess even a hot mama like K2 can’t drag b-f Reggie Bush shopping, even when cocktails are served.

Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge, Lauren Bosworth

Clark Samuels for Startraks Photo

Soon enough K2 found her party pal and they sauntered on in, with The Hills girls right behind them. Lo, rumored guest-house hoarder Lauren Conrad and Audrina seemed in good spirits—guess those tales about Patridge packing up and jumping ship from the pad is all merde, or the three girls are putting on plastic smiles for the cameras, as not to spoil upcoming episodes of the show. Yeah right—ya think any one of these three amigas can actually act?

L.C. might have her own clothing line, but she wasn’t free from fashion faux pas: Laur still had the tag on the back of her blah black dress. How come we never get to see that sort of embarrassing stuff on the supposed “reality” show?

John Mayer

James Devaney/

John Mayer in a New Yawk state of mind on LaFayette Street in swanky Soho. Johnny was Aniston-free for the first time in what feels like forever, appearing thinner than usual in a standard white tee. A frowning J.M. was smack in the middle of a heated convo on his cell phone—maybe it was Jenny bitching about that baby she supposedly desires so badly? Mayer didn’t look like the jovial dude he usually comes off as. Guess when the paparazzi cameras aren’t rolling and the starlets are nowhere in sight, Mr. M is allowed to be a grumpy guy. S’OK, J, we all feel that way now and again. But we don’t get to have sex with Jennifer Aniston. Cheer the ef up. Far perkier uptown was...

Doris Roberts

Scott Weiner/

Doris Roberts, strolling throughout In-Why-See on a sunny summer day. The Everybody Loves Raymond regular walked along the East 60s, sporting some seriously striking yellow hair that was poofed up loud 'n' proud for all the tourists to gawk at. Dor-doll donned a dark print dress as well, giving each and every last Golden Girl a run for her geriatric money. Also enjoying the nicer things in New Yawk was...

Donny Deutsche


Donny Deutsche, dining at the Waverly Inn. Don donned a casual blue button-down and jeans, looking just how he does on the tube. The Big Idea man sat at a table with three ladies who appeared to be in their 20s—oh, how L.A. There were a bunch of paparazzi waiting outside, but didn’t give D2 a second glance when he exited the eatery. Dude was totally dismayed he wasn’t worthy of a photo op. Sorry, Don, you’re no Brangelina. Catching some sun down south was...

Gabrielle Union

Paul Fenton/

Gabrielle Union, in Ef-Hell-Ay, attending charity event Zo’s Summer Groove Beach Ball at the InterContinental Hotel Miami. Gabby donned a white halter mini, looking hot in the humid hot spot. Hope babe was having a good time, since her so-called comedy Meet Dave was tanking at the box-office while she partied it up. Drink up, Gab, we won’t blame ya. Also at the chic charity event was...

Nicole Murphy

Seth Browarnik/

Nicole Murphy, staying close to New York Giants’ Michael Strahan. Ex Mrs. Eddie Murphy made heads turn in a midriff-baring ensemble, looking fab and happy. Gal musta been thrilled to hear of her ex-hubbie’s flick bombing at the box office. That could throw a smirk on anyone’s face, fer sure.

Jessica Simpson

AP Photo/LM Otero

Turns out Tony Romo did pretty well at the celeb amateur golf tourney last weekend, claimed our Desk Tahoe who saw the stud swing with her own eyes. Onlookers, which included T.R.’s double D-va, Jessica Simpson, were surprised by the guy’s successful swinging on the tee. Looks like No. 1 fan J.S.—who wore a white dress and orange heels, of all tacky colors, to root on her man—is finally free of her sports curse that started at the Cowboys games. Seriously, Jessie can be bad luck at the box office (do we need more proof than Employee of the Month or DVD bin blech like Blonde Ambition?), but we think this poor gal’s being used as a scapegoat for her boy’s bad games. Maybe the footballer should switch to putting instead? Fewer chances for someone wearing a Jess mask in the stands to distract him. Either way, we bet Tone’s teammates aren’t looking forward to next season when Jessie sidles up in the VIP section once again.

Madonna, Christopher Ciccone

Kevin Mazur/

Living in the stuck-up shadow of your more famous fam members certainly takes its toll on egos here in H’Wood. It’s a seriously death-defying and slippery slope between Tori Spelling-style nepotism (which we have no real probs with, as long as you got the goods to back it up) and pimping out your relatives for personal gain. Which takes us straight to Madonna and li'l backstabbing bro Christopher Ciccone.

We spoke with Shannon Fox, relationship expert and one steely emotional purveyor when it comes to celeb sibling rivalry. So why are famous sibs often at war with one another? “Siblings battle for their parents' attention in the home...celebrities aren’t battling for their parents' attention, but the public’s attention. The competition is on a whole different level,“ Fox claims. “They have a lot more weapons in their arsenal.” Guess if you’re pissed at your sis, there’s never a pap too far away to listen to your rant.

What’s C.C. got to gain by exposing his sis? “It won’t make him more popular, but it will make him more famous,” says S.F. “He sounds like sour grapes. He can’t compete with Madonna—who can, really? Instead of coming up to her level and beating her, he’s dragging her down a couple notches.”

So how does jealousy boil down to dragging Madge through the muck in a memoir? “He might justify playing dirty—‘she started it.' ”

Hating on your fam is far from OK, obvs, but gushing your guts out about your personal probs is the sleaziest way to get ahead, which makes Christopher Ciccone numero uno on our Schmucky Sibling Hall of Fame. The rest?


Noteworthy Schmucks:

La Toya Jackson

Lester Cohen/

La Toya vs. the Jacksons: L.T. sure jumped on the “tell-all” bandwagon by dishing ‘bout her entire fam. Couldn’t she be more like Janet? In terms of integrity and talent.

Lindsay Lohan, Ali Lohan

Jay Thornton/

Lindsay Lohan vs. Ali Lohan: Al-hon’s got her own reality show, which lends an extra emphasis on her famous last name. Maybe once A.L. hits puberty in full stride, she can shack up with a g-f and have a better shot at making her own name. But we guess that would just be copycatting her sister yet again.

Howev, clinging to a famous fam member can occasionally have its payoffs. Sometimes, two really is better than one. A far more benevolent category here includes...


Super Sibs:

Luke Wilson, Owen Wilson

Jeff Vespa/

Luke Wilson and Owen Wilson: Separately hilarious, à la Wedding Crashers and Old School, and even better together in indie flicks like Bottle Rocket and The Royal Tenenbaums, we bet these bros will always put each other first before any H’wood hos.

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jake Gyllenhaal

Lester Cohen/

Jake Gyllenhaal and Maggie Gyllenhaal: Jakey-Poo’s already cemented his status as a leading man, and Mag-doll certainly is a megawatt star on the rise, taking over Mrs. Cruise's role in The Dark Knight. We’d love to see these cuties play onscreen sibs again like they did in Donnie Darko.

Alas, like in nonceleb life, most truths fall somewhere in between the two categories previously discussed. Read on to find out...


Sorta Both:

Jessica Simpson, Ashlee Simpson

Jeffrey Mayer/

Jessica Simpson and Ashlee Simpson: Even though Jessie got her kiddie sis started with records and reality shows, Ash had enough mediocre talent to make her own fame. It also helps to be a pop-culture punch line in your own right, and Ash-hon’s jig on SNL will always trump Jess’ “is it chicken or fish” conundrum in terms of televised humiliation.

Ben Affleck, Casey Affleck

Lis O'Connor/, Paul Fenton/

Ben Affleck and Casey Affleck: Back in the day, Case was only hired for movies Benny put him in, but now, oh how the tables have turned. B.A. might have a Best Screenplay statuette, but C.A. has the coveted Oscar nom for acting, which we so know stings big bro Ben bad.

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