Who's putting the pedal to the metal, making a play for Kate Hudson's heart? And while Britney debuted her sizzlin' summer beach bod, we weigh in on what's really going on at that so-called "swanky" gym of hers. Plus, we've got some juicy book bits to keep your goss-mouth watering. Crank up the AC 'cause it's gonna be one smoldering day here at the A.T.!
Lance Armstrong

Johnny Nunez/WireImage.com

Lance Armstrong, of course, made Time’s 100 recently. Now, darlings, that’s not a list of the 100 most opportunistic romancers in the world (no, that’s a compilation I’m thinking of starting up shortly, we’ll call it the “Colin Collection”—after Farrell, natch—and we'll mention all the hugely inappropriate nooky choices made in this biz. Gloria Allred will be afforded CNN bites for a decade). Lance, whom I now adore but didn’t always, was acknowledged for all the good cancer work he pushes through with the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Hooray!
But what Mr. A, who has such nice legs (and, yes, I’ve seen them up close and personal, just like Sheryl and a few other assorted, as well, smitten celeb types), should be receiving heartfelt accolades for is romancing—or not?—the interesting group of boldface peeps. I’d be tempted to throw in Matthew McConaughey right on top, but that would be, like, ridiculous. Matthew on top! Forget about it!
Kate Hudson

Daniel/INFphoto.com

Back to reality: New whatever Kate Hudson and Mr. A just heated up Austin. They were spotted chowin’ down at local restaurant Hula Hut, as you probably heard, but it wasn’t just a table for two. They were joined by Lance’s three kids and Kate’s little boy. They had reservations at 6 on Saturday and arrived shortly after. But get this: The Hula Hut doesn’t take reservations, but I guess this occasion was just so presh they bent the rules just a tad.
Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston

Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com, Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage.com

Wouldn’t be the first Austin establishment known for bowing down to the handsome heartbreaker (although some hell-raising joints like to break his you know what, but that’s a diff story). Anyway, goss goes that Lance ‘n’  Kate (Late?) met in the Bahamas on the set of her and Matty M’s movie Fools Gold. Reason why ex Owen—to Kate, of course—has been sulking, as of late. No worries. Sometimes party enabler Jen Aniston’s gonna give Owe-hon mucho comfort once she ditches John Mayer’s ass, and this, my nasty heathens, is no joke. Just wait.
Robert Downey Jr.

Alexandra Wyman/WireImage.com

Wouldn’t The Hills be so much more intéressante if there was one iota to it that was real? Lucky for you all who don’t get the pleasure of witnessing the delish ‘n’ damning dirt right here in Hell-Ay. You can read all about the candid lives of H'wood’s elite in Scott Raab’s new book, Real Hollywood Stories. The tell-all tome comes out May 25, and after reading some excerpts, I gotta say it’s a hysterical summer must-read. Take Robert Downey Jr., for ince. Raab was granted an all access RDJ pass (for Esquire, to be exact, while Bobby was filming Iron Man), and the stories are a raunchy riot. On one smelly hand, you have Rob challenging Raab to a farting contest mid interview, and on the other you get the chance to see this brazilliant actor as more than “the sum of his rap and call sheets.” Raab writes that for one thing, li'l Bobby has a “zippered, gray man-purse, where they nestle with a kaleidoscope of herbal supplements, oils, lotions, potions and vitamins.”

Man after George Clooney’s heart, I tell ya.

Oh, and speaking of telling all, goss gatherer extraordinaire Harvey Levin might want to watch out. A book about how, uh, exacting, he is to work for—among other choice, more personal revelations—is currently being shopped around. Don’t think it’s exactly fab stuff, but what the ef do I know about workin’ for the dude? Always find it interesting, though, when the gossipers get gossed on, you? Hey, I’m an old married lady now, don’t even think about it.
Britney Spears

INFphoto.com

While Mel was so valiantly trying to help Britney detox down in Costa Rica, we are certain his brave-hearted plan involved sunbathing. And with all the pics of B.S. in her itty-bitty bikini, must say girlfriend’s looking slightly fuller than she was a couple of months ago when her abs were back on track to resemble how they used to, circa the “Oops I Did It Again” era. So. Decided to pop into Brit-Babe’s gym, Bally Total Fitness, and peep what it’s about. First thing I noticed when I got there was how open the (smallish) place happens to be. Any amateur with a camera could take photos of B-babe doing her butt lifts. Is that the point?
Seems kinda strange for a gal who supposedly hates the pesky paps and attention, doncha think? So what does Bally’s have for our beloved popped tart? Perhaps it’s all the buff trainers. Brit works out with Marc Corliss, so maybe it just takes some eye candy for motivation. But the other gymgoers didn’t seem too pleased with their sweaty environs. Heard a couple thirtysomething ladies barkin’ about how the gym “wasn’t what it used to be.” Hmmm...could it be all the dramz that comes with the Spears-package that has some member’s workout shorts in a twist? Overall, not sure what all the hype’s about. They also wouldn’t give me an appointment with Spears’ ass overhauler (which is what I really wanted, now that I’m an old hitched hag like B.S.) without signing my life away in the membership department.

I think I give enough of my existence to that broad as it is, so I said no thanks.

Dear Ted:
"Butt Licker" is what you called me in your column after I wrote to offer professional kudos on your placement in E!'s website redesign. Nasty names and pissy insults from you I can take, but it's patently unkind to doubt a fan's sincerity. Especially when it's positive feedback—not sycophantic pandering, like asking where you're registered.
  JenJen
  Chicago
Dear Derriere Dissed:
At the risk of one more (why stop now?) rear-end reference, you may whip my sagging ass any time you feel like it. My apologies.
Emmy gal from the Bold and the Beautiful Heather Tom and Project Runway's Jack Mackenroth are teaming up for the Daytime Emmys June 20. Jack's designing a special frock for the gabby, ultragame Heather (who's getting her 12th nom, so Susan Lucci of her), and the dress will be auctioned off afterward to help in the un-friggin'-believably exhaustive fight against HIV/Aids. Myriad charities will benefit, so spend big, everybody! More deets as they come. By the by, National HIV Testing Day is June 27, excellent timing.
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