por Ted Casablanca | Traducido por | mar., 11 mar. 2008 5:54 AM
Now that this has set a censorship precedent, think they’ll ban the next Heidi Montag vid for posing a possible threat of contracting who knows what all while watching?
AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian
John Mayer, gulping beers all night, cruising from table to table chatting up models. ‘Member when J.M. was all cute and humble when he first arrived on the charts, save for that inappropriate O-face he made while jamming? Just a few famous girlfriends later and the guy’s one of the most seen celebs on the VIP party scene. Think he picked up his insatiable clubbing habits from Jessica or J.Love? Johnny was one of the last to leave the joint early in the ayem, without any of his new looker amigas. Guess he went home to pick up his guitar and make his O-face by his lonesome.
Dear Diva Dawdler:
Darling, some things are worth the suspense. Houston’s endlessly hyped “comeback” efforts are one of them. So you’ll just have to suffer in the meantime. If it gets really bad, just put on Heidi Montag’s music. That’ll make anything worth waiting for.
Dear Midwest Wonderer:
Darling, you’re as off as fellow Ohioan Katie Holmes’ old outfits. Sorry, Chumpy may not have the greatest bod, but he’s way cuter than Joshy-poo. Just the way it is.
Dear Loathe Much?
I wouldn’t call these folks so bad. How else would anybody get a braaand-neeew caaar without Mama O?
Dear Oh, Mandy:
Apparently it doesn’t have to be Jess, 'cause it ain’t. Our gay-gunnin’ gal’s more successful than this Simpson, and we’re not talkin’ hair-extension products or edible body lotions. Is J-Simp even a singer anymore?
Dear Questioning Katie:
Posh told her it simply wasn’t posh.
Dear Renfro Respect:
My only prob with the late lad was the one that caused his premature passing.
Dear Obviously a Cameron Fan:
We love a guy with a sense of humor (even if the flick he’s in prolly ain’t gonna be a hit comedy in the slightest). But we also love a lad with talent and, to us, tons of sex appeal. Can’t see JT through your hate-colored glasses, sorry!
Dear Aniston Anguish:
Of course there was a price, which was VF agreeing to do the interview with parameters only Jen was comfortable with. That, and providing a soft-core photo shoot that cost billions and allowed Ms. A the chance to show us she’s so not Angelina Jolie, hard as she tried.
Dear Change for a Holler:
Thank Becky Bain, who, despite taking three years of Tedspeak in high school, told me I was in danger of becoming the Richard Simmons of goss reportage with my Spandex collection of perky adjectives. I told her I’d much rather emulate Fabio, so we’re working on this together.
Dear Did I Do That?
Beats me—maybe both? Ever notice how Jaleel White and Kanye are never in the same room together at the same time?
Dear No Thanks for Theron:
If gal gives another top-notch perf à la Monster, I’ll give Charlie all the space and averted eyes she desires.
You be quiet! People love to hate celebrities, and they don’t need you ruining their good time.
Dear Think About It:
Maybe she hasn't asked?
Dear Balmy Broad:
E.C.’s so much closer to the correct boudoir virgin—big points, babe! Just not the right guy. Think ever so slightly less well known, less impressive in the bod department, too.
I was flipping channels, could not sleep, saw you on O'Reilly, holy cow, you are more gorgeous than the last time I saw you. Is there a new romance in Hawaii, maybe Mr. Fox has gone Canadian, or as we say "up north"?
Dear Don't Get It:
Thanks, but, uh, who’s Mr. Fox? Let’s at least hope you mean Matthew, not Michael. Regardless, my man may be a fox, but his name’s Jon.
Dear Six Feet Closer:
Another excelente guess, looks- and typewise, my sweet. But Mikey-babe is far from innocent, trust. Nope, Chumpy was—prior to getting picked up by that schmuck-face journo—not at all well-versed in the mattress department. With either sex, really.
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