Blind Vice

Corny Beefy is actually such a swell guy, we kinda hate to write up this little Blind baby—but hell, we got mouths to feed, right? I mean, that mutt Margo is getting to be a demanding little gourmet bitch!

Quite unlike aw-shucks C.B., although, we must admit, Corny-doll certainly looks like he's been hittin' a lotta food bowls lately, gourmet or otherwise. Was that snitty of us to say? Well, it's kind of an important deet, actually, as Mr. B used to be such the doable little hon. 'Course, he still is (more so when he's filming), in between fat phases. Aren't we all allowed one?

Tattletale truth be told, I think Mr. Beefy's reoccurring poundage is due to an emotional sitch, as is often the case with altering bod phases. See, C.B. was married a few years ago, got the missus preggers, but—how can we put this?—something's been missing in Beefy's life ever since he chose the white-picket-fence route. Could that something be an object shaped more like a salami, less a Hot Pocket? Boy-on-boy bingo!

“He now regrets not coming out, as he sees more and more people doing it,” fessed a close amiga to Corny-babe. “His wife doesn't know. Hardly anyone knows.” (But some sure do!)  

Yes, as is so often the case when we embark on the Blind Vice alleyway, we are discussing yet another closeted fake-hetero homo movie star. How utterly surprising.  

Too sad, really, as not only is Corny sweet as his (in-shape) tits, he's also a most politically aware, very astute guy. So, why give in to this ersatz way of life? 

“He thought he could wish it away,” adds the loose-lipped bosom buddy.  Hmmm. Is that what he was hoping for when he was a hooker, before he became famous? Or was it just a successful career he wanted back then? We wonder.  

Can't have everything, Corny! 

And it ain't:
Ben Stiller

John Sciulli/WireImage.com

Bones, David Boreanaz

Art Streiber/FOX

Will Smith

Paul Fenton/ZUMApress.com

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