Which kooky star's hell-bent on saving Amy Winehouse the same way Mel (supposedly) saved Britney? You'll never guess! Plus, Rebecca Romijn's other half happily tells all about their procreating habits, while Denise Richards shows mommies still get in the mood.

Rachael Harris, Kevin Nealon

John Sciulli/WireImage.com, Maury Phillips/WireImage.com

As if we needed an excuse to get hairy and booby at the same time, we decided to check out the Playboy Mansion last weekend for the Much Love Animal Rescue fundraiser, hosted by winky duo Rachael Harris and Kevin Nealon. Jerry O'Connell, our old potential arch nemesis of animal rights (he and Rebecca Romijn put down their rescue German shepherd last year after having him mere days...was very mysterious, most sad), was an honoree at the event and showed up sans Rebecca, who is currently filming Ugly Betty in NYC. Let’s start anew:

Jerry O'Connell

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So are all their pets just practice for future tots? “Of course pets are training for kids,” Jerry said with a straight face. “We are trying to get pregnant; it would be amazing if it happened. I hope it does happen.” "Currently" trying eh, J? “Oh yeah, which is a lot of fun for me, you know.” I swear, who needs Matthew McConaughey blabbing online about “making a baby” with that g-f of his when you’ve got JOC to do the tacky honors in person. OK, I’m trying to be nice here, so let’s start again:

Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott

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As he and John Stamos’ old gal actually seem to be surviving together in the Industry of nothing but shattered romances, had to ask Jare-babe what the key to a successful marriage is. “Probably a little bit of separation. Rebecca’s working in New York; I’m going to be working in LA. You want to make the most of your time, so that helps out a lot.” Jay then looked over and said, “You might want to ask Tori and Dean over there.” We did. "Parenthood," came the reply. Hmmm. Wonder if that’s because it means it isn't as easy to bolt then? Could that possibly be why Jen and Ben Affleck are still hanging tight? I’m sure we’ll all lose sleep over these issues tonight.

Denise Richards

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Denise Richards must have just come from court—she was wearing total Britney-style hot pink short shorts while hanging out with barefoot Tori. Actress and model Jaime King and honoree Amy Smart were giggling and cruising around the peacock-poop-filled grounds while Kate Walsh just enjoyed her damn husband. Jeez, where’s this old, horny haunt's debauchery, already? “Eating soup,” Holly Madison fessed, when we asked where the timeless partier was hiding.

Oh, charity-auction-wise, the top purchase of the night was a walk-on role and set visit to Kev’s hit show Weeds, which went for a cool $12,000 bucks, double the expected high earners of the night, like a Hannah Montana stopover and chat. Could Miley’s continued habit of taking bizarro pics be to blame? Can’t think of a better place to wonder.

Holly Madison

E! Networks/Brandon Hickman

Hef himself eventually made a sly appearance in the back to watch his number-one lady, Holly M., present Bunny-in-waiting Bridget Marquardt with a doggie award, and this has nothing to do with sexual positioning, promise. Missing from the soiree was Kendra Wilkinson. So is Bunny hair really flying at the mansion? “Kendra is probably coming down later,” Holly said evenly, as if she’d sooner discuss Hef’s preferred brands of soup.

Kendra Wilkinson

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So now. If it’s all good, we asked Top Chick, why are some people “trying” to create a riff between the three gals? “When you have a show with a bunch of different girls, people kind of want to go Hills-style on you and make it look like there’s a lot of drama going on, which is easy to do, ‘cause we’re such three different personalities, but we’ve gotten to the point where we just think it’s funny.”

Bridget Marquardt, Hugh Hefner, Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson

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“There’s no drama?” we pressed, rather disappointed. “We’ve been getting along great. We’ve been doing all kinds of group things together,” Bridget added. “It was really odd timing 'cause we felt like things were going so well.” How very odd Kendra never came down those oak-paneled stairs then.

Kristin Cavallari

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Richie Rich, who was best known for his party charades and who currently makes up half of the Heatherette’s fashion duo, hit up the Shay Todd swimwear show at the Setai Friday night. Ef-Hell-Ay. R2, who  was decked out in full-on makeup like he was married to Ashlee Simpson or something (nail polish, a way over-the-top jeweled sailor hat) was seated next to Laguna Beach alumna Kristin Cavallari. Kris had her hair casually thrown back in a pony tail while sporting a black and white sheath dress. An up close 'n’ personal onlooker couldn’t help but notice her “flawless skin.” Chalk that up to a life devoid of Hills drama. After the show, K.C. rushed backstage to congratulate the designer but seemed more in a frenzy to find someone so horrifying to reveal we must tell you later in the week, just to give you time. Trust me, you’ll need it.

Richie Rich, Dennis Rodman

Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMAPress.com, Lisa O'Connor/ZUMAPress.com

Later in the weekend, Richie-boy attended the Ed Hardy show, bringing along Dennis Rodman (who winced as his ex, Madonna blared out of the loudspeakers) as his date. As the odd pair were seated front row, D-Rod was trying his best to act coy while people actually tripped over each other trying to take his picture. For real? These are the people scoring front-row tickets to minifashion week in Miami? I feel like I’m stuck in some perpetual bad ‘90s rerun. Kristin may do jack, but at least she is from this decade.

Britney Spears

Larry Busacca/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
If Brit is so incompetent that she needs a court-appointed guardian, how can she be deemed competent enough to sign off on giving full custody of her kids to K-fed? She can't handle her own affairs, but she can enter into a legal agreement on custody? Seems very double standard to me.
  Catt
  St. Louis Park, Minn.

Dear Catt-Scratcher:
Not at all. Britney knows precisely what she’s doing right now, which is the sad part. She needed to give up custody like she needed more (not new) hair extensions. Poor kids.

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