It's a desultory state of affairs for H'wood romances recently, folks. Sarah Silverman splits, Madonna calls it quits—eventually—and a Gossip-lovin' TV pair pales in comparison to two major movie stars at the premiere of the season. Plus, who's voluntarily chauffeuring Victoria Beckham all around T-town?

There’s something in the polluted water, folks, with all this divorce doo-doo being thrown at every H’wood marriage in sight—even if they don’t come out and admit it. Not that we were holding our breath for either the Ritchies or the Afflecks to grow old together. Both pairs will be lucky (or is it unlucky?) to stick together for the next few months—or years, if you’re feeling generous.

Madonna, Alex Rodriguez

James Quinton/WireImage.com, AP Photo/LMartinez

Oh, by the by, latest from Desk Madge is that she’s, like, totally into A-Rod—as the New York Post certainly seems to think he is with her—and that Ms. M plans on buying a luxe pad down in Miami again. All sounds a little too close to Ingrid Casares home, if you ask moi. ‘Member, it was I.C. who intro'd A ‘n’ M, and trust, Madonna’s BVF (Best Vixen Forever) is up to somethin’.

Jimmy Kimmel, Sarah Silverman

Glenn Weiner/ZUMA Press

But movin’ on to less rarefied bustups, there have been a few surprise splits between some cute celeb couples we sorta loved seeing together. Sexy singer Michael Bublé and British babe Emily Blunt have parted ways after three years, and PDA poster children Drew Barrymore and Justin Long called off their yearlong romance to the despair of nerdy dudes everywhere who think they, too, can live happily ever after with hot H’wood royalty like D.B. And now king and queen of quirky comedy Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have broken up after five impromptu years together. These two kids were precious together—we saw them firsthand out and about in T-town just a few months ago, holding hands like two teenagers in puppy love. Ah, l’amour is a bitch, ain’t it?

An S2 amigo says she certainly saw the split coming. “I know Sarah’s been sad...She was invited to a party of a close friend Fourth of July weekend and didn’t make it because she was too down in the dumps.”

 

“She’s been under a lot of stress because of the show,” adds our teary-eyed source about Silver-babe’s Comedy Central show.

Jimmy Kimmel, Ben Affeck

ABC/RICHARD CARTWRIGHT

Could Sar-bear’s catapulted career have been a trigger in the breakup? We won’t dare think there’s any underlying truth to those “I’m f--king Matt Damon” vids. But Jimmy boning Ben? Could this possibly be what’s going on in the Garner-Affleck house? Or at least it would make Ben and Jen infinitely more interesting.

Victoria Beckham, David Beckham

Daniele Venturelli/WireImage.com

Who knew the best role model in H'wood this week would be a British fembot? Vicky Beckham and her hub-unit, David—who miraculously found some clothes to put on for once—enjoyed an evening out at celeb hot spot Il Sole in WeHo on a Monday night. The posh pair were joined by their mutual manager and friendo Simon Fuller—ya know, the guy responsible for giving us American Idol, and indirectly, Paula Abdul's comeback. Thanks, Si.

 

The Beckhams, dining without their boys, split a tomato and burrata salad and some ravioli. That's right, folks, Victoria Beckham actually ingests nutrients into her bod, believe it or not. ‘Course, she decided to split her meal instead of getting her own damn plate, but at least this shows li'l impressionable gals out there that eating's still in style.

Vick-babe slung back Bellinis throughout the meal, leaving her mighty unsteady while exiting the eatery—well, more unsteady than usual, since V.B.'s stiletto's prolly ain't helping her posture. But Poshy proved she was more mature than every other starlet who thinks it's supercool to DUI (every damn girl in H'wood, we're lookin' at you): Davey B. played the role of designated driver while his wobbly wifey relaxed in the passenger seat. Maybe Becks should sell his services to the public. We guarantee you, no one in Hell-Ay would ever drink and drive again if they had D.B. driving them home.

Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise

Lester Cohen/WireImage.com

Remember when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were the It duo at 2005’s Batman Begins premiere in New Yawk? They couldn’t keep the photographer’s flashbulbs off ‘em for a sec, to their great delight. Flash forward to the sequel—not only is Heath Ledger missing, but any semblance of big names were MIA the second time around. That’s what ya get when you recast a gossip-loving face with a better actress. This time around, Blake Lively and Penn Badgley played the role of TomKat 2.0—a downgrade in our book, as far as movie-star status goes. Gossip Girl’s B&P met while making the hit TV show, how utterly Zac and Vanessa of them. Guess if you don’t go to high school and can’t meet anybody at a dance, your next best bet is finding a crush on the set.

 

Blake Lively, Penn Badgley

Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com

The impossibly cute duo strolled up to the premiere hand in hand, opting for the subway and their own two feet instead of renting a limo. Way to go green, guys. Unfortunately, here’s a note if you wanna be taken as serious celebs: Even Earth-conscious stars hire Hybrids when attending an event. Ya think you’ll catch Tom ‘n’ Katie walking anywhere? They’d hop in a private jet to go to Starbucks if they could.

Feeling quasi-fashionable on a Friday eve, we fetched a ride to VH1’s Save the Music Foundation’s Shop 'Til You Drop event at Intermix on Hell-Ay’s pap magnet street, Robertson Boulevard. The store was stuffed with all sorts of celebs, slugging back martinis a little too close to all the über-expensive merch. Maybe not the smartest move setting a fete inside a high-retail clothing store? Ya don’t see Prada hosting raves.

Karina Smirnoff

Jeff Frank/ZUMAPress.com

Dancing With the Stars' Karina Smirnoff sported a feathered cocktail frock with a plunge neck that showed off a bunch of the ballroom-dancin’ babe’s rock-hard bod. K.S. recently broke up with mean-meat Mario Lopez after a highly televised two-year relaysh. Guess no hard feelings, tho Kar-babe’s publicist sounding off “no Mario questions” to us makes us think the dancing doll ain’t exactly over the split. “I loved dancing with both Marios [Lopez and Barrett]...but Billy Ray [Cyrus] was such a class act; he was super sweet. Such a Southern gentleman.”

Miley Cyrus

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

What did his daughter dearest think of her dad trying to win back some of that Cyrus spotlight? “Miley would come over to rehearsal and say, ‘C’mon, dad, you can do this!’ She was really full of energy, always there supporting him. I think she was making him better and better because, she was like, ‘Dad, you can’t embarrass me. You have to do really well.’ ” Who knew the 15-year old was such a demanding perfectionist? She’s gonna be a great stage mom, someday.

Selena Gomez

Jeff Frank/ZUMAPress.com

Also-adorable Disney kid Selena Gomez from The Wizards of Waverly Place—it’s a hit kids show, for those out there sans offspring—doesn’t feel any competition between her and Miss M.C., despite both young'uns gunnin’ for the attention of the same demographic. “I jam out to Hannah Montana. I love the music!” says the pint-size singer and actress. Do you know if Hannah Montana herself listens to your songs? “That would be nice.” Too bad we doubt Miley-hon has any time to listen to music when she’s busy taking provocative photos of herself. At least she’s no longer getting pro photographers do to that for her.

We know Miley’s growing out of her cookie-cutter Disney image—why else would she have hopped off to Universal Studios except to grow up and out of Mickey’s clutches? Is the Gomez gal gonna follow in her peer’s footsteps, or does she still enjoy the occasional romp out in the Magic Kingdom? “I do! I do get to go out, and maybe get a free pass.” We should hope so, ya earn enough dough for the studio, doncha?

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