TV and US Flag
A quick look at last week's top 10 prime-time shows, according to Nielsen Research:
1. American Idol (Tuesday), Fox
2. American Idol (Wednesday), Fox
3. Dancing With the Stars (Monday), ABC
4. Dancing With the Stars (Tuesday), ABC
5. CSI, CBS
6. Grey's Anatomy, ABC
7. Desperate Housewives, ABC
8. CSI: Miami, CBS
9. NCIS, CBS
10. Without a Trace, CBS

Hey, hold on...A lot of those are the same show. Definitely one and two are the same. Also, three and four. And five and eight! Nine looks like someone misspelled five and, though it’s just a guess, we’re pretty sure ten is probably the same as five, eight or nine. So really, that’s only a top five.

Looks like the networks need a few more shows to fill in the cracks. Luckily for every one of us, we here at The Soup Blog have just blacked out for a few minutes and come up with five exciting new television ideas. Breathe deep, readers. You’re about to smell magic cooking.

Patriot Games
Contestants struggle to determine who loves America more, and the winner walks away with a $600 tax rebate check! Challenges include: competitive flag waving, parade management and giving a critical assessment of United States foreign policy, international law and constitutional rights. No, no, we’re just kidding about that last one.

Let’s Kill Some Homeless Guy
This controversial new reality show from MTV follows the intense—and often hilarious—exploits of a close-knit band of privileged Malibu teens as they plan, execute, hastily cover up and buy their way out of the brutal murder of Darius Hammond, a former seafood restaurant owner.

Untitled Sit-Com Project
Though details are still a little foggy on this one, it seems that this will tentatively star an as-yet-undecided celebrity—man or woman—as a lovably gruff or neurotic (again, depending on whether we cast a man or woman...don’t know yet) single or married person with a job, house and friends. Maybe there’s a fat kid, too.

CSI: CSI
A team of sexy, and playfully combative, forensic scientists are assigned to investigate mysterious deaths occurring on the set of popular CBS drama, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. In the premiere episode, one of the team members is brutally murdered and a special CSI: CSI: CSI team is called in to close the case. When the corpses of that entire team are discovered piled up in the bottom of a well, an expert forensic team from CSI: NCIS SVU comes in to make everyone think they are looking at Roman numerals.

Does This Sweater Go With These Pants?
Coming this fall, your wife asks you the same stupid question over and over again. Is this really what it’s going to be like for the rest of your life? You’re finally beginning to understand why your father was always so emotionally distant. This marriage is just beating the life right out of you. You wonder if Teresa ever got married. So she wasn’t exactly a model, so what? At least she never prattled on incessantly about the most banal...Oh god, what is it now? How are you supposed to know what kind of shoes your wife’s best friend is going to wear to lunch? Oh, your life.

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