Miley Cyrus

AP Photo/Chris Pizzello

Miley Cyrus: Is there any dirt on her at all?
—Ashley, Boulder, Colo.

Well, there are those wigs—the ones with that kind of Ann Coulter-by-way-
of-Valhalla
cascade. If that's not enough to get the Hollywood glam-squad scene hissing into its collective latte cup, I don't know what is.

Let's see, what else do we have here on the perky Disney star who shall, by all appearances, do no wrong?

  • Cyrus got gotcha'd by Consumer Reports last month for not wearing a seat belt on the set of her Hannah Montana movie!
  • So did her has-been of a dad
  • The little brat doesn't seem to like her real name! Now really. What kind of soulless ingrate wouldn't love a moniker like Destiny Hope?
  • She once engaged in a faux-lesbian photo shoot with a girlfriend on the floor of a hotel room. The pics were about as racy as a pool party cohosted by Oprah and that jolly marshmallow from Lost.
But the biggest shame surrounding Miley isn't any nude photo, sex tape, stealth gayness or manufactured relationship.
It's the relentless well-scrubbed-hillbilly PR image that her pa has been running since the girl was a blastocyst. Billy Ray Cyrus never fails to trot himself out with his strict-pappy act and remind us that he assigns chores and takes her to church and won't let her grow up to be another LiLo or Britney.

Never mind that Billy Ray has packaged his daughter as the second coming of the sweet baby Jesus, with thousands of fans screaming her name and scalpers charging the blood of five virgins for every concert ticket—all of which, of course, can't screw up a teenager at all.

"Her time is being eaten away from her by her performances," remarks relationship therapist and psychologist Dr. Gilda Carle. "She cant possibly have what we call a normal life. This isn't to say she's going to derail, but it's going to be more difficult."

Either way, let's hope she's wearing a seat belt.

Got a question about how Hollywood works? ASK ME already!

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