Who's the latest (very young) mucho famous Hollywood chick who’s salivating for Angelina Jolie? Brad, you might want to take note. In fact, we’re sure of it. Plus, American Idol inside gab and Madonna 'n' Tommy Cruise take on midlife quite differently, quelle surprise.
Orlando Bloom, Jack Black

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We checked out the Kids' Choice Awards last Saturday afternoon, full-on headache, screaming kids, puke-inducing orange carpet—just where we wanna be in bright daylight, trust. The underage event settled on a school as its appropriate choice in setting—the UCLA campus, cleared for spring break. We spotted so many kiddos in foundation and eyeliner, coulda sworn everyone there was 22 if not for their neon-colored braces, not to mention every girl wobbled in her stilettos like an amateur. It was unsettling, Mary-Kate style.
Hayden Panettiere

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We spoke with three 18-year-olds, a nice in-between stage of life where you can vote, smoke and die for your country, but ya still can’t buy beer or gamble your green (just your life). Awkward age, huh? Heroes hottie Hayden Panettiere fit the bill for JonBenét of the day—sure, gal’s 18, but up close, H.P.’s so petite she doesn’t look a day over 15, if not for all that caked-on makeup covering her mug. Hay-babe clearly isn’t taking fashion tips from one of her own personal heroes, since she sported a red number and not blah black. “Angelina Jolie. Oh my god,” gabbed Hayden-hon. “I saw her from the Golden Globes stage when I presented, and I just stared at her...oh my gosh. I’m such a fan of hers.” Well, at least the gal still gushes like a teen, tho she reportedly dates like a 30-year-old.
Lil' Mama

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Another lady not quite acting her age was Lil Mama, the also-18-year-old rap superstar whose “Lip Gloss” brings all the boys to the yard, and she knows it: “I love it. You love it. We love it. America loves it.” Somebody sign this girl up for an etiquette class in modesty, stat. One of Lil M’s music role models? “Lauryn Hill—I look to her for inspiration. It never gets outdated, it’s always right on time for me.” Kids sure have a warped sense of timing, since L.H. hasn’t released an album since 1998...when L.M. was 9. Still a better idol than Britney Spears, seriously.
Jordin Sparks

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We spoke to an Idol, Jordin Sparks, who seems to have matured since winning season six’s singing comp...or maybe it was the gigantic wedges the already too-tall gal donned on the Day-Glo carpet that made her seem more grown-up. Jordy gave us her take on who's gonna steal Idol all the way to the bank: “David Cook. It was just phenomenal, 'Billie Jean'...it was amazing.” But was it just as good as collaborating with heartthrob hip-hopper Chris Brown on the single “No Air”? Says the swooning Sparks, “I can’t believe he’s singing to me...He smelled really good, trust me.” We’ll take your word for it, reluctantly. Come to think of it, C. Brown’s 18 as well...was there some sorta superjuice parents were slurping back 18 years ago when they conceived their totally talented tots?
Tom Cruise

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Wouldn’t be too surprised if The Hardy Boys does not turn out to be Tom Cruise’s next flick. You know, that comedy with Ben Stiller that Katie’s other banged half had planned? Must say we’re terribly relieved on this one, what with recent whispered whatevers that this baby ain’t exactly high in gear for the big-toothed legend, as had been previously reported. I think—as I’ve said many a bitching time—that Mr. C needs to devote himself entirely to a sinister role (supporting, even) to nab that Oscar. And yes, I seem to be the only one left on planet Delirious who thinks he’ll one day get this butt-naked accolade.
Becky B, my copilot in all things pissy, disagrees entirely with my snit course for T.C. She thinks Tommy-babe actually should stick with comedy. She says she finds the dude to be too out of breath in all this action stuff he’s doing. Yes, 45 is such an ancient age, is it not? Just as youth can be cruel. B.B. prolly thinks Tom needs Viagra just to empty the trash. On to another middle-aged wonder:
Madonna, concert

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“It's so hot, I need a tissue. I heard leaks of 'Candy Store' and 'Beat Goes On' earlier. Pretty hot. The latter's official version, which features Kanye West, is way better than the leak.”

—From deep inside the muscle-toned, taut-tushed environs of those who hang with Her Madgesty, the Big M, Madonna, regarding the broad’s forthcoming album. Due as soon as Nicole Richie sheds all evidence of things maternal, besides her cleavage
What, you think Guy’s whip wrangler (they are so not sweet and domestic and together right now, folks) hangs with fruits who don’t torture their bods as much as the Detroit-removed diva herself? Forget about it. They sweat together (a lot), usually for all the wrong reasons, too. I mean, I remember—Becky doesn’t—back when Madonna was known for moistness not due to Pilates. She was infinitely more arresting back then.
Now she’s just perfect and boring, like La Streep. Whatev. At least Hard Candy—say those mutual pals of ours who have heard the Brit wannabe’s latest stuff—is hot. Like M’s mattress used to be. What the ef’s up with that?
Drew Barrymore, Justin Long

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Drew Barrymore and Justin Long continued their ostentatious amour parade, rocking out to folk-rock group Michael Mazochi and the Widows at the Hotel Cafe in H-town. We know Drew-babe’s still got her flower-child hippieness at heart, makes sense she would get down to acoustic folk-type tunes. The two members of their own personal makeout club kept their ears on the music but their eyes on each other, locking lips whenever the mood struck. Does this actually not bode well for the duo’s long-term love outlook? I mean, it’s so much. But as somebody who pushes the PDA envelope, too, better shut right up. Really, though, the entire planet’s a third wheel when these two are around. Less saliva laden in Ef-Hell-Ay was...
Russell Simmons

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Russell Simmons, surrounded by style at the Heatherette show in SoBe. Russ-Si wore a white shirt and a cobalt-blue vest—love the touch of color, no wonder he’s one of the top fashion aficionados around. The millionaire mogul mingled with designers and a lovely curly-haired cutie, whom he had wined and dined earlier that evening at Social Miami. R.S. signed autographs, which obvs put him in good spirits. Who cares about a silly divorce from Kimora when you’re surrounded by high fashion, fans and femmes? Also having a helping of Heatherette was...
Mena Suvari

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Mena Suvari and her hot-to-deny b-f, scoping out some style. This Men Girl donned a green tube top and white pants with a big ol' blue belt. Colorful and chic for this petite pet. M.S.’ coif is still cut way short and bright blond, but it’s slowly making its way back to nonandrogynous length, whew. All that lack of hair leaves her neck tattoo open to the public eye, an intricately designed and very vague statement of “Word, Sound, Power.” Think you’re too good for a good ol'-fashioned tramp stamp?
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