Does Jake Gyllenhaal have a big-screen opportunity for his drag-lovin’ ways comin’ at him? Just ask DreamgirlsJennifer Hudson, ya might be surprised! Stunning, too, are the things Sharon Stone and Paris Hilton will do in public. Fasten your jaws everybody!

Britney Spears

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We interrupt this regularly scheduled block of bitchy reader emails (jeez, you folks are nasty-ass ones, that’s fer sure), to bring you...an emergency installment! It’s called "The Golden Powers"!

In all honesty, C. Gibson and I have a lotta great crapola leftover from our Golden Globes adventures last week, but if I hold onto this stuff any longer—it’s gonna start smelling worse than Britney’s Taco Bell refuse collection in her car. So, we’re going to make a little game outta all of it.

Don’t like it? Tough. (I’ve gotten far less conciliatory ever since I began letting my gray show). Just come back tomorrow, already, and take a gander at the mail and all the other mischief we’ve got to offer. Until then, let’s play...

Who sassed what? I’m actually gonna force you all to match the following statements to the correct Golden Globe winner (and assorted celebrated bystander), ready? Thought so. Here we go...

Jennifer Hudson, Eddie Murphy, Beyonce´ Knowles, Jamie Foxx

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

1. When I asked Best Supporting Actress winner Jennifer Hudson (for Dreamgirls) what she thought of Jake Gyllenhaal's impersonation of her on Saturday Night Live, she replied:

A. "Oh, girl, he’s not foolin’ nobody."

B. "Oh, I thought he was doing Lance Bass."

C. "Uh, he’s got promise, I suppose."

D. "Maybe I’ll get him a job in the sequel."

Warren Beatty

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2. When I asked Lifetime Achievement honoree and legendary Hollywood heartthrob Warren Beatty why it is that men get applauded for having multiple partners and women get called sluts, he replied:

A. "Are you nuts? You’re looking at the biggest slut of all time!"

B. "You should see Annette’s track record. I’m a nun by comparison!"

C. "A lot of men I know are called slutty!"

D. "Look who’s talking, Ted. I’ve heard about you, Missy, Slut of ‘07!"

Sharon Stone

steve Granitz/WireImage.com

3. Nominated-for-nada-at-the-
Globes-but-attending-anyway Sharon Stone is most comfortable during GG week when she's:

A. Stealing interviews away from former costars and fellow fallen types like James Woods.

B. "Accidentally" flashing her nether regions to shocked photogs at the Globes, eons after she did it in Basic Instinct (way before Brit-Brit, by the by).

C. Hangin’ out with a gaggle of gals at the local lesbian bar.

D. Plucking orphans from third-world countries and trying to beat Brangelina’s brood count.

Jeremy Irons

Paul Fenton/ZUMApress.com

4. When I asked Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for TV winner Jeremy Irons why U.K. types are so utterly accomplished at being sinister, he replied:

A. "We’re bitter because Americans have better teeth."

B. "We’re like Queen Elizabeth II, we just like animals better than human beings."

C. "What a stupid question, you idiot."

D. "We live on an island; it’s in our nature."

Emily Blunt

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5. When I polled Devil Wears Prada’s Emily Blunt—just as I did Meryl Streep—on what Lucifer wears in Hollywood, the Gideon’s Daughter Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for TV shot back:

A. "I suppose whatever you’re wearing, darling."

B. "No underwear, clearly."

C. "Size zero."

D. "Ugg boots."

Helen Mirren

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6. When I pressed Best Actress nabber (for The Queen) Helen Mirren for her opinion on the conspiracy theories that the British royal family had something to do with Princess Diana's death, she responded:

A. "Isn't it obvious?"

B. "Why the hell do you think I took the movie, you twat!"

C. "Bloody stupid question there—I’m an actress, not a Scotland Yard detective."

D. "I think it’s a load of old tosh."

James Denton

steve Granitz/WireImage.com

7. James Denton, nominated for his boob-tube offering Desperate Housewives, told me his most desperate fan encounter was when:

A. A dude snapped a cell phone picture of him at the urinal while he was in midstream.

B. A sexy stranger showed up on his front porch with a plunger and asked Denton—who, of course, has played a plumber—to help her clean out her personal pipes.

C. A crazy chica showed him her Teri Hatcher voodoo doll that she sticks pins in every time she sees Mike’s old flame, Susan.

D. Someone snuck onto the Housewives Burbank, California, set and flashed J.D. while he was filming a scene.

Stephen Frears

Gary Lee/UPPA/ZUMApress.com

8. After bashing the Queen of England during his Golden Globes Best Director acceptance speech for The Queen, Stephen Frears snapped at me when I asked, "Do you want to abolish the royal family?" by hissing:

A. "Oh, they can all shove it up their thrones, for all I care."

B. "No, I'm just dying to see what William looks like in his coronation robes."

C. "I didn't say that."

D. "Yes, off with their heads, the lot of them!"

Paris Hilton

Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com

9. When fellow revelers observed Paris Hilton waiting to get into the post-Globes InStyle bash, they bellowed:

A. "Hey, Paris, can I be your date to that ball in Vienna?"

B. "A Hilton should not have to wait in line at the Hilton!"

C. "Would you sign my photo from your sex-tape, please?"

D. "So, I guess you think your Bentley brings all the boys to the yard, don't you?"

Sharon stone

Eric Charbonneau/WireImage.com

We’re doing No. 3, first (because I say so):

It’s A. and C. "You don’t wanna talk to him!" Sharon Stone shrieked, as she jumped into the shot on the Golden Globes' red carpet and began giggling and flirting with James Wood, her old Casino costar, while he was in the middle of an interview. Any shame, Sharon?

This nervy moment was before S2 was spotted Thursday night, hangin’ at East/West, a total homo haunt here in WeHo. Stone, according to more than one nonintoxicated lipstick type, came with "a few girls who looked pretty" and stayed about an hour. I’m told S2 was lookin’ fierce, natch, and seemed "really comfortable" amidst the sister-sister scene. Love it!

Far more economical answers to today’s quiz are as follows:

1.-D.; 2.-C.; 4.-D.; 5.-D.; 6.-D.; 7.-A.; 8.-C.; 9.-D.

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