Melrose Bickerstaff, Jeremy Piven

John Sciulli/

Tubers, I am a Popsicle—a frozen, achy, exhausted Popsicle. And there isn't enough heat, coffee or Advil in the world to make me feel human the morning after the coldest Golden Globes Hollywood has ever endured.

(I'll pause while you East Coasters have a laugh at my K.Veitching over 30-degree weather.) 

Still, there is a gloriously glowy, warm upside to last night's freakishly frigid weather: It made the celebs go a little berserk! And oh, dear friends, how much I have to tell you about all the ridiculousness and sloshy-good fun that went down at the Golden Globes after-parties last night! I hit the biggest bashes—along with my trusty scoop sleuth and sidekick, Korbi (bless her achy feet)—and here's what we can tell you:

Jeremy Piven Has a New Girl:  Or at least, that's certainly the way it looked, as Mr. Ari Gold spent the whole night (beginning with the HBO party and ending at InStyle's bash) canoodling and kissing a certain TV personality you CW fans know very well (and quite frankly, love to hate). The Piv's new mystery woman is none other than (drumroll, please): Melrose Bickerstaff, the runner-up from the most recent season of America's Next Top Model! Can you stand it? The two were extremely close all night, holding hands, flirting, smooching and displaying all sorts of couple-like behavior.

Jeremy's official date was his mother, but she spent most of the night hanging out with Perrey Reeves (who plays Jeremy's wife on Entourage), while Piven and Hellrose partied it up. (All I can say is that Jeremy must not have watched the latest cycle of Top Model, or he'd know what kind of melodramatic kookiness he's in for! I know, I know. It was "all in the editing.")

J.Lo and Marc Antony Do Like Fries with Their Shake:  Wanna know where the big celebs go after a night of highfalutin Globes revelry? The golden arches! That's where we spotted J.Lo and Marc Antony's limo at 3 a.m. last night—at the McDonald's on Santa Monica Boulevard in Beverly Hills—much to the excitement of the adorable drive-through cashier, who showed off the snapshot of the duo she took from her cell phone and also the prized receipt (which she will frame) of what Jennifer and Marc ordered—enough cheeseburger, quarter-pounder and Big Mac meals to feed an army! Let the record show that celebrities do eat in Hollywood, even on award nights (after the gown has been zipped up and nobody's watching). 

Everyone Was Drunk:  Everyone. The colder it got, the bigger the glugs, and this made for some very interesting celeb behavior. I can count at least five A-listers who told me they were "shnockered," "wasted" or "slotally dernk!"—as a certain gorgeous TV fave said gleefully while she tripped down the stairs and fell onto a Grey's Anatomy star, who was passing the other way. The Grey's star just shook it off, smiled and moved on. It's all you could do last night!

Everyone Was Crying:  America Ferrera started it off with her oh so emotional acceptance speech when she won Best Actress; then the trend continued all night long, with old friends and happy winners gettin' glee-weepy. "Everyone's crying in there," Chris Kattan remarked while leaving the NBC party. "And I didn't even hit anyone." Even Ugly costar Eric Mabius admitted he choked up while America was onstage, saying, "There wasn't a dry eye." And when I ran into America later in the night, she got misty-eyed again, telling me, "I just can't believe it!" I can. She deserved it.

Evangeline Lily Checked Out Eva Longoria's Engagement Ring:  Could there be wedding bells in the air for beloved Lost-ie couple Evie and Dominic Monaghan? Of course, only those two very private celebs know for sure, but I did witness an adorably delish moment inside the Golden Globes ballroom. Eva (whose Desperate table was right next to the Lost table), came over to greet Evangeline, and Evie immediately congratulated her and asked to see the ring (really, you can't miss it—it's huge!). After complimenting her and asking a few deets about it, Evie turned to Dom and whispered something, then laughed and stole a quick kiss.

Masi Oka Was Robbed!  Thankfully, both Korbi and I got the chance to tell him of his robbery at the HBO, NBC and InStyle parties (that boy was the party-hopping belle of the ball!). Masi, of course, humbly shifted the spotlight to America Ferrera (whom I introduced to him at the beginning of the season, and they've become friends). Masi was clearly excited for her and said he had just met up with Daniel Dae Kim and Sandra Oh in the hotel lobby, and they were talking about America's win and how great the night was in opening doors for minorities.

Josh Holloway Spent the Night Following His Wife Around and Carrying Her Dress' Train:  I'm sorry, that's just hilarious. (P.S.: They are the most amazingly fun, funny and fiery couple you'll ever meet.) 

The Alias Cast Reunited (Swoon):  "It was awesome!" Greg Grunberg tells me of a moment that happened during a commercial break. "I went over to say hi to JJ [Abrams], and Jen Garner walked up, looking gorgeous, saying, 'Hi, guys!' It was a big Alias reunion. It was awesome." Later that night I also spotted newlywed Bradley Cooper hanging out with former Alias costar (and good friend to this day) Michael Vartan (who, on his way out of the InStyle party, rubbernecked back to recognize me and came back for a hug and to say hello, officially making my night—no, life!). Meanwhile, Mr. Jen Garner, aka Ben Affleck, was spotted inside the NBC party chatting it up with John Krasinski for quite some time. Turns out, he's an Office fan. (Ben, I take back everything I've ever said about you.) 

Chris Klein Got Some Big Love:  Wife number three Ginnifer Goodwin (love her) and Chris Klein were adorably cute and cuddly together at the HBO bash, never leaving each other's side. And in fact, the entire Big Love cast spent the whole night hanging out together, proving that that family is indeed close. (I'll share what they told me about the coming season—which sounds insane—in our next chat.)

Alec Baldwin Loves Heroes:  He walked right up to Hayden Panetierre (Claire) and told her the show was robbed, 'cause Heroes is the best thing on the air. Hook the man up with a guest gig!

Is Office Romance in the Air?  When John K. wasn't chatting up Ben Affleck, he was spending most of the night at the side of Rashida Jones, aka his girlfriend on the show, Karen. As you may remember, the two once dated before she came on the show, and if my Spidey senses are tingling correctly, they could very well be back together.

Plus, how could I forget? There's gonna be a wedding on The Office! I heard all about it while working the red carpet at the NBC bash—where I also spoke to the Ugly Betty peeps (love that they won!), the Heroes hotties (it was a spicy rendezvous, let me tell you, that included a marriage proposal!), Alec Baldwin (um, was he hitting on me?) and John Stamos (um, was I hitting on him?). Stand by for a Vine show with all that deliciousness very soon. It's far too good not to show you. 

I should also note to you regular readers that I'm truly and deeply sorry, but there is no new chat today. If you want to know why, please see the first sentence of this column, and try to show your favorite frigid friend a little sympathy (and a warm blanky and a hug?). I know, I'm a wuss, but I promise to make it up to you next week.

In the meantime, I'm covering all the hot, breaking scoop from the Television Critics Association Press Tour and parties all this week, so please check back for more exciting TV dish.

And you can check out our Golden Globes package right here.  And my report from the Globes red carpet here.

—Additional reporting by Korbi Ghosh

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