How Much Is That Hooker in the Window?

Contrary to popular belief, there are wholly heterosexual TV and movie stars in Hollywood—just not very many, so get ready for a prostitute-displaying bi guy for Blind Friday. Plus, Paris, Lindsay and the rest of the gang make us all atwitter, too!

While Dr. Jan Adams, the known knife-wielder who perhaps played a part (in some capacity) in Kanye West’s mother's demise, is in “hiding,” say his amigas, other slightly less lambasted types are trying to get their hardened souls back out into the game. Take Paris, for ince.

Poor Pare-poo! Remember how we told you Adrian Grenier was dissing former flame Hilton to guests at a private house party Friday and that he left with another gal? Then came word from our Page Six sistahs that this wasn’t the blond babe’s first brush-off that night. Apparently, P’s ex-boyf Stavros Niarchos gave her the cold shoulder earlier the same night at Crimson.

P6 reported Stav wanted “nothing to do” with Paris and instead left the party to go hang with Lindsay Lohan. Getting blown off by your ex for one of your biggest frenemies? That’s gotta sting even more than whatever puffed up her overly plumped lips.

Now that Lindsay’s kicked Riley to the curb, seems she’s taken up spending time with Stavros. We’d like to offer Paris some friendly advice. Don’t go back to bobbing for boys in the same skanky well you first fished Stavros out of! Let Lindsay and Mary-Kate Olsen fight over him. Find a new dude who hasn’t already done half of Hollywood, or tried to, so that excludes Brandon Davis. We hear Prince Harry’s available...

Wait, wait, wait! This just in! See, ya might wanna hold your heiress hotheadedness—for a sec, at least. Stavros ‘n’ Paris musta just read the above, because now they were spotted canoodling in South Beach, Ef-Hell-Ay. Boyfriend felt bad for giving Paris the cold shoulder last week.

Our sandy spy reports the two hons looked most cozy together at Mokai. “They were dancing pretty close to each other, and she had her arms around him,” says Desk SoBe. “He was sweaty and whispering what seemed like sweet nothings in her ear.”

So, we’ll chalk up a point for Paris in the ongoing (and increasingly ridiculous) battle for the Greek shipping heir. What’s Lindsay’s next move? We bet she’s just waiting until he gets back to Hell-Ay to sink her claws back into him. Stay tawdry tuned…

Color us confused! Cyberword just went out that a big movie star is following in the footsteps of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and the Hills girls and hosting a soiree at vodka-soaked Vegas nightclub LAX. Guess who? Ashton Kutcher, who was recently shooting a flick there? No, silly, we said a big movie star. Oh, never mind, you’ll never figure it out, because it certainly made us scratch our highlighted heads!

“The talented Jude Law to party in style at LAX” reads the press release. Is he hard up for cash or somethin’? We thought doing paid club appearances was more for socialites, reality-TV types and fallen pop stars, not serious actors. Who should we expect to see headlining next...Brad Pitt?

Actually, that’s not such a bad idea, if he could get Angie’s permission.

If you’re into doin’ it on the vicarious side, go see The Amateurs this weekend. Certainly in an age of anything goes online, on camera and off the cuff, the story about how a small town makes a home-spun porno flick is pretty right-on and awkwardly, deliciously uncomfortable. That is, if you can get past looking at Ted Danson’s hairy butt (a sight this homo certainly did not enjoy).  Why couldn’t that ass shot have been with costar Steven Weber, instead? The guy’s still pretty doable—he even sang to me at the Amateurs screening and told me about this totally girlie project he’s got in the works! But more on that next week. Brooke Shields, hope your ears are burnin’, they sure should be.

“What is it about his twisted mattress skills that attracts this particular Hollywood femme?”

—Former flame to one Dax Shepard, who’s currently dating Kristen Bell, for some unbelievable reason

Uh, maybe it’s not so unbelievable, as we’ve unsubtly winked to in the past. See, a past Dax dame attests: “I can certainly vouch for his presex makeout prowess, but there's no way anyone except a porn star could tolerate his proclivities for too long.” Whatever does this former babe of yours mean, Daxy? Care to elaborate? Or should we go ask John Mayer (or his babes?), instead? Was that Jessica Simpson we just heard screaming, "Do it!"

Oh mercy, yet another boyish boy is displaying his overtly (i.e. false) testosterone-laden dallying in T-town. Yep, get ready to meet Tubby Pay-Stub in the week’s charge-by-the-photo-op Blind Vice! Hint: He’s far more wholesome than most folks might think, quelle surprise.