All the Wrong Mush

DNA daddy goss fer ya, plus who Paris is really paying attention to (might be surprised on that one), as well as Entourage pissiness to report—just another day in the life of an ordinary snitfest snooper! Ready to hate who you love, babes?

The DNA tests are in, and it’s finally official...Larry Birkhead is the daddy of Anna Nicole's Dannielynn. No big surprise, really, as most peeps have expected this since the circus began. Seems Larry was pretty confident he was pops, too, as the former paparazzi dude was seen at Hell-Ay’s happening Grove this weekend with a bag of baby booty from Pottery Barn Kids. Hopefully, poor Dannielynn can finally have a semi-normal childhood (but don’t count on it).

My Desk Plastic reports blue-eyed Birkhead looked “relaxed but tired.” Can’t blame the guy, as just writing about this whole paternity puzzle has me pooped.

And for the coiffure record, since some moneyed types think that’s of utmost importance for the proud new papa’s public image, he had “bedhead.”

Oh, dear, did he not read that odd e-missive from Candy Spelling (allegedly) warning him of the dangers of a bad hair day? 

Oh my. Yet more salacious scuttlebutt from that darling Missy Vixen, otherwise known as the man-charmer courting as an actress, Rose McGowan. But let’s save her for tomorrow, shall we? Too delicious fer naughty words, that second-hand Rosey. And besides, we’ve got the de-lish diva herself, Paris Hilton, among sex-ay others, to drool over today, so, it’s a safe endeavor, right?

(But trust, from what I’m hearing about R.M.’s nonfilmed capabilities, this babe should get an Oscar for Best Off-Camera Performance—and why the hell hasn’t the Academy started up that category, already?)

Seems Paris H. was MIA from her former BFF Kim Kardashian’s B-day party in Vegas this weekend. Wonder why? They on the outs or something since Kim’s sex tape hit the Internet?

Maybe it’s ‘cause Miz Pee stayed here in Hell-Ay to hang with that new honey of hers, Josh Henderson. The new twosome hit Mood on Saturday night and was quite cozy and cuddly while out in public, taking pics of themselves, holding hands, etc.  

But the real ac-shun was later on, back in Paris’ pad. The gal threw a big ol' pre-Easter party, complete with pizza, Easter cookies and bottles of Grey Goose aplenty for guests desiring adult beverages. Funny thing was, Paris and her athletic lad didn’t seem so hot ‘n’ heavy inside the bash. All worn out from being simply too gorgeous ‘n’ game, you two?

“Josh was with his buds, and Paris was running around with Nicky and Brandon Davis,” says Desk Hilton. I dunno. I think Paris just takes after her mums, Kathy (who also ignores Daddy Rick at their Bel-Air dos), and concentrates on her guests having a primo time. 

But...what gives, you hons?  

Oh, and I must add that police were outside Paris’ wannabe manse, attempting to control the thirsty throngs trying to enter said soiree, so perhaps she had her hands full with that slightly sticky sitch?

And although prior best bud Britney Spears is no longer on the guest list for Paris’ after-parties, happy to report that her music still makes the deejay set list at the Hilton household. I hear Brit’s “Baby One More Time” was playing, in between Paris’ own tracks, of course. 

Lindsay Lohan, making flashbulbs pop. Such the surprise. Va-Va Linds was spotted dining at Izakaya Saturday night with two dudes. “They had dinner, left, no big deal,” reports my fellow forker. But then, 20 minutes later or so, L. & Co. caused a photo frenzy as they walked out the front door to get into their car. Nearby diners wondered where L2 had disappeared to for so long between leaving the table and leaving the restaurant.

“We thought maybe they went out the back, alerted the paparazzi and then came back through to make a grand exit,” theorizes one witness. Whatever it was, seems weird. But not really. Oh, and Dina-dolls's dame had on a cream jacket, jeans and “so much makeup.” Is this girl 20 or 40? More low-key lookers elsewhere included...

Henry Simmons, that hunk from NYPD Blue, strolling Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. My horny onlooker reports Henry, that “hunk of chocolate thunder,” made her, as well as other gals, go into double-take drool time. The stud with strong guns was wearing a black tee and brown cargo pants on his “nice arse that can sho’ make a Southern girl swoon,” further frets the frantic witness. Looking equally delish in another locale was...

Kate Walsh, celebrating a bud’s birthday Saturday night. Barrio Grill in her hometown of Tucson, Arizona. The sassy redhead was sporting a cute, short, low-cut print dress and was sans b-f Dave Annable, for the romantic record. Nevertheless, Kate-babe looked fab, like she does so often, as of late. Why that, girlfriend? Is Dave that good? Or is it just getting your very own spinoff show? I vote for the boyfriend, but then, I’m a schmuck in love, so, what the eff do you expect? 

Got more gab and goss to get to from that Entourage premiere last week. The carpet was chock-full of the shows’ stars, of course, along with...the Duff sisters?

Course, Hil and Haylie’s appearance only added fuel to the fire that something is going on with one of them and Kevin Connolly. Frankly, I’m a bit confused by it all. First, it was reported that Hil-hon blew off Kev’s advances on New Years Eve in Miami.  

Then, I spot them sharing a table at Area and assume the younger Duff had a change of heart. But now, peeps are mouthing it’s actually Haylie he’s hooking up with. Doesn’t it seem strange to you that he’d hit on the younger sister, then settle for dating the elder? Men are such sleazeballs sometimes. 

Anyhow, I digress. One reporter tried to get to the bottom of this sitch by being as blunt as possible. “Single thing you love most about Haylie?” she quizzed Kev. 

He laughed politely and walked away. He wasn’t mean or anything; he just ended the interview right then and there. This little encounter could mean many things...nervous laughter? Or perhaps he finds the idea of dating Haylie funny? Who the hell knows?

Adrian Grenier certainly didn’t, when the same sassy scribe tried to get a quote from him about Haylie and Kevin.  

“Who? What? I don’t know who you’re talking about,” he said. “I gotta go.”  

Lesson learned: If you want to end an interview pronto, bring up Haylie Duff. 

Now, during my time at the poppin’ postparty, I must report that I didn’t see these two together once. Yes, they were both there, but I didn’t see anything hot happening between them in the least. Didn’t even see them talking, to tell ya the truth. So, take this dubious duo with a hunk o’ sisterly salt, huh?