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Dear Ted:
I don't like the new format. It's quickly becoming annoying to have to keep clicking through just to read the last few lines of a post. Your column was a guilty pleasure, and if it becomes more inconvenient than fun then what's the point? Also, I don't understand why someone with your tenure at E! would accept being demoted from columnist to mere blogger. There are a zillion bloggers out there, but successful journalists are rare.
Olathe, Kan.

Dear Change For The Worse:
Since when is publishing commentary, with reporting, throughout the day (I still like to think of this whole bitchfest as a “blolumn,” however, as a traditional blog this is not) a demotion? It’s more fun, vital. You smoking something James Franco might promote, babe?

Dear Ted:
I love Truth, Lies, and Ted! You are so much more charming on tape than in writing! No offense, but I just don't think your personality comes across as well in the writing.
Los Angeles

Dear Video Vixen:
Somewhat of a diss, as do make a living with words, but glad something about me pleases ya. Also, so many folks are slinging insults my way these days, this is a friggin’ salivating e-kiss, H.

Dear Ted:
Is Mary-Kate Olsen Fake-à-la-Ferocity? She once won an Emmy, and she does have siblings. I can't remember if you have already dismissed her as a suspect (for this Blind Vice, not for H. Ledger's death).

Dear Twin Peek:
M.K. hasn’t been around long enough to learn the real tricks of the H'wood trade that F2 has down perfectly.

Dear Ted:
What describes Toothy Tiles's situation better: "Single Tile," "Mr. and Mr. Tile" or "Family Tile"? Please, could you include clues and hints more often about him? What happened to that great idea to dedicate one day a month to only Toothy questions?

Dear Multiple Choice:
Family Tile. Don’t remember committing to one day a month trying to ferret out T.T.’s identity. Still, don’t think that’s enough for my taste.

Dear Ted:
I so wish that you would/could reveal Toothy Tile. In the meantime, is Crotch Uh-Lastic Josh Hartnett? He is brooding, boyish and certainly crusty.
St. Louis, Mo.

Dear Crotch Catch:
So close (much more so than Mr. H. would like, I’m sure). But alas, wrong dude. Think more talented. By, like, a lot.

Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise

Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Just wondering your thoughts—Will Tom Cruise ever win an Oscar if he continues to be box-office poison? And how many more turkeys will he have before the A-listers won't want to be onscreen with him?
Rochester, N.Y.

Dear Statuesque:
Tropic Thunder just put T-babe back in the game. Let’s hope he doesn’t screw it up (again).

Dear Ted:
So how does TomKat feel about the huge opportunity lost by Katie not being in The Dark Knight?
Arlington, Va.

Dear Right Knight:
Lord knows she didn’t pull off Rachel the first time around. And does anything sit well with the L. Ron Hubbard house?

Dear Ted:
I loved the batsuit you wore in Truth, Lies and Ted! Way hot...and I'm thinking your ass is getting flat again. Let's see it!
Lompoc, Calif.

Dear Catty Woman:
The suit’s retired (for the public) until Christian Bale gets tired of the franchise and they need a new, bitchier Batman. And my butt’s as hard as your heart.

Dear Ted:
OK, "Casablanca," you are a terrible writer. You are how old now? Thirtysomething? I'm 22 and I could write an article supremely better. You sound like a 13-year-old girl telling gossip to her girlfriend! Seriously, did you even go to school for journelism [sic] or wake up one day and say, "Hey, maybe I'll spew gossip like a little girl.” Was your neighbor’s kid inspiration? It obviously wasn't a real journelist [sic]!
Buffalo, N.Y.

Dear Funny Honey:
Says the woman who doesn’t read Webster’s.

Dear Ted:
I’m a lucky lady who happens to be very much in love. So I’m a little grossed out and puzzled over why Paris talks so much about Benji in the media about things that are rather personal. It’s really none of our business, so why does she advertise this relationship to the media in tacky and superficial ways like she was trying to sell something?
New York, N.Y.

Dear Lovin' Feelin':
Because she is.

Dear Ted:
Just wanted to say I love you on Red Eye, and you are one of my favorite guests. I'm straight, but I would have hung out with you long before that self-serving bitch (Diana, I think). I really like your humor and down-to-earth style.
Asheville, N.C.

Dear Watchful Eye:
Thanks darlin’, you sound awfully earnest for a het. Thought you guys were snarkier than us!

Dear Ted:
Not in love with the new site. Can't find the Blind Vices, among other annoyances. Tell the techies (or whoever's brilliant idea the update was) that “new” does not necessarily mean “improved.” I've read your column for over 12 years—hope I won't be giving it up, but no promises. Sorry.

Dear In With the Old:
Stick around, sweets, it’ll be worth the wait. Sorry for the production probs, too. I know, it’s as ridiculous as my vocabulary.

Dear Ted:
So tickled your website has come out of the closet, as to say. Love the colors, it sings! Love the easier access to all your extra goss sidelines, the BV's and most bitched about's... And my absolute fave, your Truth, Lies and Ted. The coolest thing of all, it's a one-stop shop of all the best goss sites that you purvey, and we can now enjoy without leaving your site, very smart u lil devil.

Dear One in a Million:
Glad someone can appreciate a little friggin’ change.

Dear Ted:
Greetings from the great Football Hall of Fame city! Love your column and read it ravenously at lunchtime...great escape! I was just wondering if Crotch Uh-Lastic could be Kevin Spacey? And maybe Toothy Tile is John C. Reilly?
Canton, Ohio

Dear No Touchdowns:
Keep trying, babe, way off on both. Think more good-lookin’ than either Kev or Johnny C., sorry fellas, it’s a superficial world out there.

Dear Ted:
Doesn’t anyone "get" that Lance Armstrong is just a complete tool? Guess Kate Hudson wasn't bright enough to figure that out. There will be others I'm sure, and I'm waiting for Angie to dump Brad sometime soon, as well.
Los Angeles

Dear Limp Lance:
Uh, maybe Lance was the smart one in this breakup sitch? And Pitt’s the perf gofer boy for Angie, ready to bow down to all her ridiculous requests. Why the hell ditch a good thing like that?

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