Belt out your best Rihanna ditties, 'cause there's a rain cloud over the AT today. An Idol breaks some bad news, while both Shania and Jodie break up their longstanding relationships. Also, a curious creature resembling a cleaner Mary-Kate scurries throughout the streets of sun-less San Fran, while Alanis Morissette shocks in all the wrong ways. And what the ef is up with all the faces of H'wood's age-defying menfolk? Wash down all that acid rain with a hearty helping of goss!

Shania Twain

Denise Truscello/WireImage.com

Move over 13, it looks like 14 just may be the new unlucky digit. Both Shania Twain and Jodie Foster's longtime relationships, both having lasted 14 years, have reportedly come to crumbles due to a third party—that's the goss at least. How hideous, eh?

Jodie Foster

Paul Fenton-KPA/ZUMApress.com

Jodes met writer/producer Cindy Mort while working on The Brave One and her eyes quickly swayed away from partner Cydney. And Twain-babe's hub-unit Robert "Mutt" Lange (what a loser name) went to the proverbial dogs by banging the couple's secretary, though Lange vehemently woof woofs this is all nonsense. Oh, really? I'm just surprised it wasn't said to be a nanny; Jude Law and Ethan Hawke made that so en vogue.

Well, at least Jodie didn't dump her doll for a younger amiga, like Shania's hubby is rumored to have done. And a secretary at that. Jeez, could ya get more cliché? If you're gonna be a maybe-bastard, at least be original.

Spencer Pratt

John Shearer/WireImage.com

Now, is Heidi’s Spencer being a potential low-down dirty dawg, too? Might be so. After things didn’t exactly turn out quite as glitzy coupley as the duo once famously had assumed, it seems Spence-babe has a diff plan in the works, which doesn't include his buxom broad. Sorry, gonna be truly masochistic here (no more so than Spencer’s advice column, that’s fer sure), and if you want more deets, check out my show, Truth, Lies and Ted. It’s a cold, cruel (and fake) world, somebody’s gotta cut through the merde...might as well be me.

Ashley Olsen

INFphoto.com

Odd sight: Ashley Olsen strolling down San Francisco’s Burlingame Avenue—a swank street with posh places to shop. A neighborhood more suited for the stroller set, but A.O. and her crew were there anyway (guess they got bored with all the couture in Hell-Ay and New Yawk). Our S.F. source was shocked to see how petite the girl was, wondering what a 12-year-old was doing at a coffee shop on a school day before realizing it was an Olsen twin. The less sassy sister wore a white tee topped off with a biker jacket and some leather leggings—maybe from LiLo's line? Or maybe not, since Ash allegedly got a hissy fit from Linds telling her to stay away from “my girlfriend” (her words, not ours). A-babe’s hair was loose, and she donned a pair of big sunglasses despite the overcast San Fran sky while all her peeps were pimped out in full-on black—you can take the gal outta New Yawk, but ya can’t take the New Yawk out of her Manhattan-type attire.

Continuing our Lollypopped Poll from last week, when we provided the real ages (or, at least, what look to be the genuine ages) of some jaded-lookin’ hons in T-town—like the sisters Lohan—we now do the same for the boys. I mean, after all, darlings, we are an equal-opportunity poking endeavor.

George Clooney

Daniele Venturelli/WireImage.com

George Clooney

Real Age: 47

Looks Like: A young 40

Acts Like: He's still got it

Harrison Ford

Stefanie Keenan/WireImage.com

Harrison Ford

Real Age: 65

Looks Like: 54

Acts Like: He could save the world...or at least revitalize his career

Frankie Muniz

Eric Charbonneau/WireImage.com

Frankie Muniz

Real Age: 23

Looks Like: 15

Acts Like: Little boy at heart who gave into his weaker, stripper-lovin' side

Jesse Metcalfe

Ferdaus Shamim/WireImage.com

Jesse Metcalfe

Real Age: 30

Looks Like: 24

Acts Like: New pledge on frat row

Michael Jackson

Eric Neitzel/WireImage.com

Michael Jackson

Real Age: 49

Looks Like: 3,402

Acts Like: He’s hiding something

Matthew McConaughey in Fools Gold

© 2008 Warner Bros. Ent.

Matthew McConaughey

Real Age: 38

Looks like: 42...

Acts Like: A teenager who really isn't hiding something—why all the hyper bro-brouhaha, bro?

Jordin Sparks

Jerome Ware/ZUMAPress.com

Bit more Idol blab...do forgive us, please. Last year’s reigning champ, Jordin Sparks, caught up with us during the big finale; she was changing from her wedding-cake-inspired tiered gown from the carpet to a shiny gold number, brighter than J.S.’s eyes when the winner was announced. About David Cook’s stunning victory, J-babe blurted: “I was totally reliving the moment when I won!”

“This show does something to me,” continued Sparks, speaking about performing “One Step at a Time.” “When I got off the stage, I was just shaking. During the song, I tried not to look at [the judges].” War vets aren’t the only ones who get flashbacks, trust—every Idol alum prolly can’t go anywhere near a stage without hearing British insults flying like shrapnel every which way.

Alicia Keys

Dan Herrick/ZUMAPress.com

Jordy’s been battling some vocal probs lately, affecting her tour with Alicia Keys, tho you never woulda suspected anything out of the ordinary from Sparkie’s spectacular perf on the finale. Still, J-babe’s not having the best year so far, or even the best day for that matter. “My mom’s best friend is...she was like a second mother to me. She had melanoma, and the color for that is orange...I dyed orange streaks in my hair, I’ve been wearing orange accessories...and she died this morning.” Now that’s a pro who knows how to go on with the show, par-tick for such a young gal so new in the game.

More depressing than Jordin’s sad news were The Love Guru clips pimped out to full capacity. We swear that both Davids A and C have a Jennifer Hudson-like shot of winning an Oscar one day, 'cause we couldn’t tell how embarrassed they were having to pretend to enjoy Mike Myers' tired shtick. Best actors on the show, bar none.

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