Destiny's Doings

Hell hath no fury like an Aussie irritated, as Heath Ledger’s moneygrubbing relatives sure are finding out. Plus, Mary J. Blige blows it out while Beyoncé simply blows it off. Ooh. Such intrigue in the land of the beautiful ‘n’ bothered. Ready to breathe heavily, everybody?

Regarding the story of the drugged-to-death dude everybody seems to want me to drop? Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Only going to get worse, thanks to the hugely disrespectful money spat going on between Heath Ledger’s dad, Kim, and his brothers, who, 'course, have accused Heath’s dad of financial mismanagement. So cozy, so lovely. So here we go again: Had Heath had a more updated will (one that included daughter Matilda and her mama Michelle Williams), this wholly unpleasant battle of the Ledgers could have been avoided, altogether.

But since H was more interested in going into bathroom stalls with Tara Reid than estate planning, guess we’ll now have the war of the Ledgers to look forward to. Really should be a reality TV show, shouldn’t it? I mean, forget Denise and Charlie, girlfriends, you haven’t witnessed fireworks before like the Aussie kind you’re about to see from Perth way: “They hate each other,” so informs my trusty Desk Down Under, regarding the personal biz between the Ledger bros.

Which means, of course, due to the already established bad blood between these three elder Ledger lads, they’re just using Heath’s unfortunate demise, and the resulting will snafu, as an excuse to prolong their own agendas. How utterly self-centered.

Kinda like Heath was, the poor addict.

Posthumous P.S.: Since Kim’s made such an issue of how his granddaughter, Matilda, “will be taken care of,” why not just go ahead and hand the entire thing over to Matilda-love right now? In a trust fund, mind you. Be done with it. I’m just worried this is gonna be stretched out to Anna Nicole proportions. And this much is for sure, assures Desk Down Under: Heath would have hated how this is being handled so publicly.

Every day, celebs face a variety of treacherous decisions—blond or brunette? Coffee Bean or Starbucks? Take the Bentley or call the limo? Über fame 'n' fortune means the freedom to have such daunting selections in life. Now, thanks to this very missive, you too can partake in equally absurd options. In the spirit of the game Who’d Ya Do? (for which you have to choose the lesser of two really hideous people to sleep with—try it, it’s great, subversive fun), the Awful Truth has compiled a list requiring equally hazardous decision making. Pretend you're somebody and play along for our newest department—a silly little game, this time—called Dirty Quandary! All you have to do is channel your inner Oprah, then do the very opposite! That said, darlings, would you rather...

• Have Dr. Jan Adams as a plastic surgeon or Dr. Phil as your therapist?

• Get mauled by Nicole Kidman’s bodyguard once or discuss antidepressants with Ms. Kidman’s ex until he was exhausted?  

• Be handcuffed for eternity to O.J. Simpson or to the “Leave Britney Alone!” guy? 

• Be Lindsay’s sponsor or Britney’s lawyer? 

• Carry the spawn of Xenu or the child of David Spade? 

• Patronize Britney’s or Tom Cruise's hairstylist? 

• Babysit Nicole Richie’s daughter or Christina Aguilera’s son?  

• Introduce your parents to Adnan Ghalib or Blake Fielder-Civil?  

• Share a jail cell with Paris Hilton for 24 straight days or be forced to watch The Hottie and the Nottie once? 

• Have Ashlee Simpson's or Jessica Simpson’s career? (That’s a trick question, no one would ever want either.)  

• Be Katie Holmes or Kelly Preston?

• Be David Beckham’s wife or David Beckham’s underwear?

OK, that’s it for now. (But let us know your answers, hear?) We’re getting nasty—time to move on to the next item and try and clean up our act, which will be, like, a total joke.

Vivica A. Fox showed off her hot curvy bod at the Forge in South Beach last week. Vivi sported a dated Posh bob that has yet to grow out—ever hear of extensions, girl? VAF was a friend to all colors, wearing a black, white, yellow and tan minidress that did indeed impress. While the other celebs in the joint dined—everyone from the likes of Pauly Shore to Eric Dane and wife-unit Rebecca Gayheart—Viv-babe posed for photos with fans and was gifted a red-hot bikini from some audacious admirers. Bet they’re hoping she’ll invite 'em to the beach for their very own personal fashion show. Good luck with that, guys. Also hangin’ in the Ef-Hell-Ay was...

Mary J. Blige, kicking off her coheadlining tour with Jay-Z in Miami at the American Airlines Arena. Proud Mary sang in style, donned a pair of bigass shades, high-heel boots, tight black pants and a sparkling trench. Blige-babe lost an earring early on, but whatcha gonna do? Consider it collateral damage for putting on a bitchin' show. MJB crooned for nine songs straight without the smallest sip of agua, then changed backstage into a hotter-than-Beckham’s-butt halter with side cutoffs.  After the show, Queen M (sorry, Madge, scoot over on that ballsy throne of yours, got another Big M in the hood) went with her closest 20 pals to the Blue Door at the Delano to celebrate a fab job well done, and Blige paid for everybody. Now isn’t that what folks are supposed to do after they hit it disgustingly big? Also rockin’ some good-karma R&B and rapping were...

Kanye West and Timbaland, showing up as the surprise guests for Jay-Z’s half of the same gig above. Not so surprising to us, since K.W. and Timba-guy are prolly in Jay’s top five, they’re seen all over the scene together. But was Beyoncé too busy hawking House of Deréon so much she couldn’t swing by to show her onstage support, or was somethin' else up, babe? Do tell. Kan also reserved a bungalow at the Blue Door, lest anyone forget his small cameo was the real star of the show.