And, come on, after what darling Jess had to put up with while enduring her highly unusual fling with John Mayer (we can still smell the messy fallout from that one, can’t you?), wouldn’tcha think poor Jess-Jess would want somebody who’s, perhaps, not going to mold 'n' muss her before the cameras? Funny, Nick’s the only one who ever really liked her for who she was. Okay, we’re about to cry here, so time to move on to a coupla jokers nobody’s cryin’ for—anymore.
Oh dear, Mr. Tom. Where is this going to stop? You’re doing King Tut in Aruba, a place that’s supposed to just be about sipping a brew—nonalcoholic, not—and getting a tan, not to mention on with your life. But you seem to still be on this klieg light crusade. Don’t you realize you’re simply making it easier for the Andrew Mortons of the world? You stick out like a sore short thumb.
Seriously, Cruise is becoming the doomed demigod, William Randolph Hearst, of his time, and Andy Morton’s Orson Welles (or likes to fashion himself that way). Guess it’s only a matter of time before Citizen Cruise gets made, eh? Who’s gonna tackle that one?
Jack Black, lookin’ freakish and frumpy. Jack was spotted getting off a flight at JFK airport, where he was chatting with semistudly (if you like that antihero type) John C. Reilly. Apparently, Jack’s new bleached-blond coif doesn’t do anything for his looks. “He was not attractive,” dished one bitchy bystander. “His face was flat in profile and very odd looking.” Oh, those tell-it-like-it-is New Yawkers! Come sit by us anytime. Much more delish looking was Johnny R, who was wearing all black leather and a black hat. “He looked awesome,” said Desk Airport. “Much taller than I realized and significantly better looking [than Jack].” So there. Also rocking a superblondie 'do was…
Cyndi Lauper, walkin’ east on 57th and 5th in the Big Apple. The "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" hon was rockin’ hot-pink pants and a white coat as she strolled down the street with her gal-pal. Even in crazy-ass InWhySee, the white-haired babe was still getting some major stares from fellow strollers. Well, she’s a damn platinum institution at this legendary point, isn’t she? Choosing her canine companion over female ones was…