The Chateau Marmont shindig has Jamie-Lynn Sigler puttin' in her salty Sopranos cents on whether DeeCee can handle a chica in charge, while Alyson Hannigan teaches Lindsay Lohan a thing or two—you'll never guess what! Plus, you ravin'-ass readers test me on your fave Blind Vice bum, Toothy, in today's mailbag musings!
Ashley Olsen

1821/Most Wanted/

Chateau Marmont was buzzin’ with celebs late last week, as no less than three events were being thrown at the tony celeb hideaway. We didn’t run into Lindsay Lohan, but an Olsen twin was spotted at the Lorac/Miss Davenporte Showstopper launch party, held in a posh penthouse overlooking the Sunset Strip.
Apparently, Ashley O. was on hand to support superstylists Cristina Ehrlich and Estee Stanley, who were hosting the event, but she wasn’t in the mood to talk.
“Ashley is not to be approached,” a publicist informed us press peeps. The tiny twin was there minus Mary-Kate, chain-smoking and drinking red wine while talking to two dudes. What’s with the Olsens' über-mysterious act? Are they afraid they might accidentally crack a smile during an interview?
Jamie-Lynn Sigler

Gregg DeGuire/

Gosh. Ever notice how it’s the truly talented who are always less huffy? For ince, other femmes in attendance were down to dish. Well, kindasorta. Jamie-Lynn Sigler said she hasn’t decided on whom she’s supporting in 2008.

“I’m still staying mum about politics,” said the Sopranos sweetie. “I need to be more educated before I want to be vocal about it.”

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama

Brian Ach/, Paul Fenton/

Maybe she should hit up Hillary Clinton’s party at the Abbey this week? Or perhaps Barack Obama’s bash at Area? We kid you not. Both of these Dem candidates are throwing big shindigs at the aforementioned hot hangs.  

JLS also didn’t seem quite sure if we’re—as in all of us in these United States—ready for a woman in office. “It’s a very different dynamic because you’re changing history and the way this country is represented,” she said, when asked how things would be different with a girl in charge. “I couldn’t say how it would change, because we’ve never had it. But I’m never opposed to change.”  

It’s called having a vision, hon. Would think you, as a chica, might be more amenable to such, but whatev!

Alyson Hannigan

Paul Fenton/

Alyson Hannigan was surer that we’re wholly prepared for a femme in charge. “Definitely!” she enthused. “Something needs to change.” 

Just then, A.H.’s handsome hub-unit came over, beverage in hand. “We’ve been together three and half years, but we still act like newlyweds,” she told us. What was the brunette babe drinking? Good ol' H20. “I’m not drinking,” she dished. “I’m working tomorrow.”

Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan

James Devaney/, Jeff Vespa/, Jamie McCarthy/, Amy Graves/

Whoa there! Lindsay Lohan should try that tactic once in a while. We asked Aly if she thought Linds and Paris and Britney & Co. were takin’ attention away from the serious issues.

“It’s like a soap opera. I hope people realize they’re not the only ones out there,” she said of the tabloid terribles. “There’s plenty of young people out there doing good things, too, that you don’t hear about it.”

True. But they’re not nearly as fun to goss about, right?

Always amusing is our mischievous mailbag. Read on (unless you’re a member of the aforementioned Lohan clan, natch).

Oprah Winfrey

Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMA Press

Dear Ted:
I had a friend who won a contest with the big O and appeared on her show in the audience. You are so dead on! She was stunned at how she was treated. Said O was ice cold and ignored them completely during the breaks. Also, please print this: Justin Timberlake is so not cute or attractive or sexy. What do girls see in him?     
Dear Rude 'Tude:
What interests me more is what or who has Ms. Dubya’s panties in a bitchy bunch. P.S.: Tell that to J.T.’s tight-tushed lady, Jessica Biel.
Question Mark Silouette
Dear Ted:
I had a vision the other night of who Toothy Tile might be. Let me partake in the 20 Questions game: Was he ever on a network sitcom? Hope the wedding plans are going swimmingly and congrats again.
  St. Paul, Minnesota
Dear Showstopper:
Sorry, doll, Toothy’s talents are reserved for the silver screen...uh, ‘n’ other boy’s bums, ‘course. Thanks for swell wishes!
Jennifer Aniston


Dear Ted:
Not sure why Aniston is a "good guess" for Princess Gold-Zinger from One Slut Fits All Blind Vice, while Cameron Diaz is too "glam" of a guess? Huh? Anyway, I think PGZ has gotta be Heather Locklear, making H.H. none other than David Spade. Or maybe I am off just a little and PGZ is H.L.'s former BFF Denise Richards?
  Glendale, California
Dear Royal Mess:
Nope to all three. Think slightly larger scale ‘n’ dare I say more talent.
Alec Baldwin

Lisa O'Connor/

Dear Ted:
Before your engagement, I know Alec Baldwin left you sorta breathless. I was wondering if, when you were in the presence of handsome Toothy, he had the same breath-stopping effect? He makes my heart skip beats...those angular facial features, those bedroom (and do-it-anywhere-even-a-parking-
garage) eyes (Whew!) Such a stunning hottie! 
  New York City
Dear Frothin' Fellow:
Uh, breathless boyfriend, what the hell makes you think you know just who the gay guy is? Don't be so sure...
Dear Ted:
How do you come up with all of these fabulous nicknames? Hugs and kisses.
Dear Moniker Missive:
They magically come to me in my sleep, much like nightmarish visions of Star Jones-Reynolds’ old body.
Jessica Simpson


Dear Ted:
I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but is PGZ Jessica Simpson? Keep hissing the dish at us, cute stuff.
  Davis, California
Dear Detective Dishy:
Not a bad guess, babycakes, but think less cheesy, more crunchy.
Dear Ted:
Did Toothy either attend or graduate from a university?
  New York City
Dear Schoolyard Snoop:
The dude is diploma-less.
Lindsay Lohan

Jayson Mellom/The Tribute/

Dear Ted:
The unwashed jeans were worn prior to [Lindsay Lohan’s] rehab stint...Since coming "clean" in rehab and gaining some weight off the powder, she couldn’t get her hands in her tight pockets to empty them! Ted, gotta think like a girl!
  Allen, Michigan
Dear Denim Diva:
Wow, what a fab excuse to add to our Sick-Sick Six list for Linds! You should be her lawyer.
Victoria Beckham

Eamonn McCormack/

Dear Ted:
Why is it that Victoria Beckham never smiles? Does she think this is maybe? My opinion is that it is so the opposite. She looks like she is absolutely miserable in life. Can you shed some light on this?
  Leonardtown, Maryland
Dear Grin-Worthy Gal:
Heard the pin-thin miss hates the way her punim looks plus teeth. Personally, I think it’s simply because she hasn’t eaten since I started this friggin’ job.
Dear Ted:
You missed the most obvious reason how someone else's drugs ended up in Lindsay's pocket. Poor girl probably put the wrong pants on after her last tryst, assuming she buys her clothes new.
Dear Hookup Honey:
Um, clearly you didn’t read the one where we said they were Pete Doherty’s drug duds.
Debra Messing

Paul Fenton/

Dear Ted:
Thank you for your comments on the shock of Debra Messing's Emmy nom. I myself thought, Really, are you f'ing kidding me? I saw a bit of The Starter Wife (a bit was all I could tolerate), and I was embarrassed for Debra. Anyone who contradicts you is nuts.
  Arlington Heights, Illinois
Dear Sidin' Sweetie:
Amen, my sassin’ sistah!
James Frey

Toby Madden/eyevine/

Dear Ted:
Surprised Oprah is cold? After the public torture (on her show) of James Frey (A Million Little Pieces writer), how could you be surprised? What she did to him was totally unnecessary since his career was ruined already. She just got him on there to tell the world, "Don't mess with me, I'm big."
Dear Bookworm:
Sorry, my vote's with the big O on this one—Frey's a schmuck
Dear Ted:
In all your years of celeb reporting, do you ever recall a time when there were so many public celeb train wrecks? 
  Washington, D.C.
Dear Reminiscin' Raver:
Honey, the halcyon days of good reputations and publicists with spin control are over. But come on, isn’t this far more entertaining?
Topher Grace

Jerome Ware/

Dear Ted:
One more guess: Is Toothy Tile Topher Grace? Is Princess Gold-Zinger Paris Hilton?
  Pamela Hardy
  New York City
Dear Quizzical:
Good same-sex stab with T.G., though he’s not our boy Toothy. Think more established ‘n’ less lanky. As for P.H., way off. More legit.
Lindsay Lohan

1426/Most Wanted/

Dear Ted:
I found it interesting how LiLo spent her time in rehab having the group review her movie. Isn't part of the recovery process letting go of selfishness and self-centeredness? Is there any possibility that she really isn't an addict?
  São Paulo, Brazil
Dear Party Puss:
If L2’s roster of mess-ups doesn’t make the freckled femme an addict, I don’t know what does.
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