From single (for the evening) Sarah Michelle Gellar to the infighting Osbourne clan to Jennifer Garner's mucho honest Oscar thoughts, we're all over the gossipy map today, sorta like that unpredictable hairless SUV wreck, Britney Spears. What will she (or we) utter next?
Sharon Stone

steve Granitz/

Say what you will about Sharon Stone, the gal knows how to work a room. And that's exactly what she did at the 15th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation fete. S2 hit the stage to auction off tickets to Elton's B-day bash and was way more entertaining than the Oscar snoozefest that had just wrapped up.
Sean "Diddy" Combs

Tony Barson/

"I've been bad. I'm bad because I experience everything there is out there," she said, slurring slightly. (Perhaps she was celebrating her sweep of the Razzie awards a bit too much?) "Look at my table...I'm sitting at the bad table [with Diddy and Jon Bon Jovi]." 

"Let's not f--k around," she added, before starting the bidding for E.J.'s fete at $50,000.

Evidently, Sharon's cheeky chatter worked wonders on the audience, 'cause she managed to get the price up to a cool $250,000—despite the fact that Ms. Es was wearing an ebony halter dress and hairdo that weren't exactly her best, but whatev.

Elton John

Kevin Mazur/

No matter—when the price reached a quarter mil, the two competing bidders were told that Elton would like to invite them both, thus raising $500,000. Very nice, Shar-babe— you go, girlie! 

After that big cashola moment, Elton and James Blunt hit the stage and rocked the house with a duet of "Tiny Dancer." Girlfriend (to James, not Elton) Petra Nemcova stood on a chair to try and watch her man perform.
James Blunt, Petra Nemcova

Lester Cohen/

Sure they were happier at that moment than later in the eve, when James apparently ran over someone's foot with his car. Oops! Car accidents are not so beautiful, right?
Sarah Michelle Gellar

Jerome Ware/

On the carpet at the same bash, Sarah Michelle Gellar looked fab in her fetchin' boring-ass brown frock, but where was that hub-unit of hers, Freddie Prinze Jr.

"He's watching at home," she offered, before slipping inside.

What the eff? Why wouldn't Freddie-stud wanna come mix 'n' mingle manically with his hottie honey? Five-year itch getting to you two?

Sharon Osbourne, Ozzy Osbourne

Kevin Mazue/

Making it more of a fam affair were the oddball Osbournes. "Kelly had a hissy fit!" said Sharon, when asked about getting the whole clan ready.

"No, I didn't!" Kelly protested, explaining that everyone was in her room and Jack didn't want to get his eyebrows tweezed.

"Jack plucks his eyebrows?" asked one surprised reporter.

"He's got one eyebrow!" Sharon answered, as if her son's unibrow was common knowledge.

Kelly Osbourne

Jean-Paul Aussenard/

Far more interesting to moi was Kel's take on Brit's rehab rebound, since the gal has gone the sobriety route herself.  

"I've been to rehab a few times, and unless you want it to work, it won't work," she said, possibly alluding to baldie Brit's blink-and-you-miss-her stints in rehabilitation centers. 

"I wish her all the luck in the world," she continued. "She must be really suffering right now. I think they should leave her alone." 

No-go on that one, babe. Read on for more on my Britney patrolling latuh in the column (sorry).
Zach Braff

Gregg Deguire/

"When I'm in the shower. Because it's just me and my soap on a rope."

—Wiseass Zach Braff, when I asked him, at the Independent Spirit Awards, natch, when he was the most independent himself 

Interesting that Zach takes no chances on evah droppin' his soapy stuff. Wonder who else is in there with him?

Sherry Lansing

Lisa O?Connor/

Über-butch, too, was former Paramount Pics honcho Sherry Lansing, who received one of those Jean Hersholt humanitarian jobs. Backstage, after Tom Cruise practically salivated all over Lansing onstage (all the while Tom's número dos wife-unit, Nicole Kidman, practically barfed on her crimson bows), I asked Sherry about her presenter and good bud's rocky career, as of late.

Tom Cruise

Ash Knotek/

"What advice would you give him now?" I pressed in regard to the man who got dumped by Paramount so publicly (a story I broke) last summer. 

"He doesn't need my advice," Sherry insisted, all smiles and red chiffon. 

"What are your thoughts on [Paramount CEO] Sumner Redstone's public chastising of Tom?" I asked. 

"I know Sumner very well," Lansing replied evenly. "I have no idea." 

Is that not the ultimate Hollywood oxymoron nonanswer, or is Sherry still planning on working with both dudes for many more years to come?
Britney Spears

Darren Banks/Splash News

Britney Spears may have lost her mind, her hair and even that hot bod, but no matter the disaster of the day, she remains in the prayers and thoughts of all the beautiful people—who still have their sanity and careers intact, here in the cruel, heartless City of Fallen Hair Extensions. First, we had my chat with Jen Hudson from the Oscars, where Jen said she'd get down on her knees for Britney (to channel godly energy, darling, nothing more).

Marques Houston

Camilla Zenz/

And, before that, the get-well wishes I coyly collected at Hudson's pre-Oscar bash were sweet and not surprisingly well rehearsed. Marques Houston told me to relay this to Brit-babe (on a bit of the snide side, may I add): "Grow your hair back!"

Omarion Houston

James Devaney/

That sounds a lot more like advice than a feel-better wish (which is what I requested) to me! M.H.'s more compassionate but less mattress-worthy bro, Omarion, preached these words to Brit-doll: "Please pick up a Bible. Believe in a higher power, however high that is. And just take care of yourself." Amen to that.

Bai Ling

Paul Fenton/

Even that tawdry thing Bai Ling joined in on the forecasting: "I hope the people around her—her friends—will really care for her. She needs love and positive energy around her," B.L. cooed. Damn straight.
Leonardo DiCaprio

Eric Charbonneau/

Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou and Kevin Connolly, having a not so low-key guys' night out. The Vanity Fair Amped pre-Oscar party Thursday night at Boulevard 3. The too-cool-for-school threesome arrived late, after Macy Gray had performed, and were rushed to a choice corner VIP table. But they left soon after an eager photog kept trying to get shots of Leo, scruffy and low-key in a baseball cap. Djimon posed happily, but Leo just wasn't havin' it, quelle surprise. Also out 'n' about last weekend, and in equal need of a makeover, was...
Jared Leto

John Shearer/

Jared Leto, at Pure Nightclub in Las Vegas. After performing with his band 30 Seconds to Mars, Jare headed over to the club, where he lounged on a VIP bed with a large group of femme friends. Sounds like a sex-ay time, if you're into that type, natch. Or maybe these hons were just exchanging makeup tips? Perfectly perky partyers elsewhere included...

Jennifer Garner

Amy Graves/

Jennifer Garner, in a black coat and ponytail, at the Miramax/Jo Malone pre-Oscar party at the Sunset Tower Hotel. Jen couldn't have been more polite when I asked her who she was pullin' for. "I'm rooting for Peter O'Toole...and Ellen DeGeneres!" she said with a smile, until strangely coiffed hub-unit Ben Affleck suddenly appeared and ended our chat session. The nerve! Another hairy couple out 'n' about was...

Haylie Duff

Glenn Weiner/

Haylie Duff and A.J. DiScala, hitting the carpet together at the Envelope Please Oscar party at the Abbey, hosted by Jennifer Love Hewitt to benefit APLA. Haylie looked semihot in a silver, sparkly number and held hands with her new boy-toy throughout the evening. Also hangin' at the homo haunt: newly single Lance Bass. Sure there were plenty of options for a Reichen replacement at said spot. Were there any avaricious takers, El-doll?
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