Mailbox

AP Photo/Ric Feld

Our virtual mailbox was virtually overflowing this week with questions, queries, commands and complaints. We'd like to be able to address them all but, honestly, most of them just weren't that interesting and/or they had mostly proper spelling, grammar and punctuation. That's not really our bag, people.

cmgmp3 asks: Dear Soup: Some shows have audience tickets that they give away...does the Soup do that? Or is there any way that I can apply to be one of the off-camera voices that yell things out like: No way! or You're kidding!

We always like to start off our Q&A sessions with this old audience question chestnut. So, short answer: no. More detailed answer: still no, but read this. As to your second request, cmgmp3, we already consider you an off-camera voice. Therefore, you may keep yelling whatever you'd like, whether it's directed at the show, your clergyman or crossing guard.

ccarson34 asks: I have a bet with my wife that Joel was at the American Idol finale and was on TV briefly in profile. She claims it wasn't him and was Jim Carrey. Please help.

Go ahead and file those divorce papers, ccarson34, because Joel McHale was indeed at the American Idol finale, a fact which this week's episode of The Soup will make abundantly clear to your cruel, distrustful wife. And then, please let her know that we here at The Soup Blog are also currently single.

Chicks, Man.

E! Networks

larae1172 asks: what happen to chicks man chicks man

On tonight on tonight.

Katlynmills asks: what is your favorite episode of soup?

Good question, katlynmills. Impossible to answer though, owing to a head injury from our youth which left our short-term memory as feeble as...what were we talking about? Oh, right. Uh, any episode with Joel in it.

missy.gellings asks: Did Joel get a haircut? Or an eyebrow wax? Botox? Maybe he just shaved...The last two weeks he looks different, and I can't put my finger on it!!!

missy.gellings asks: Nevermind...found the answer to why Joel looks so weird. Yes, I know this is not a question.

Hey, this brings up a good point. Please, do not attempt to answer your own questions, dear readers. We are trained professionals on a closed course here. If you persist on this path of self-response, we may be forced to take drastic measures and cancel TV. All of it. And then you'd never know who wins the summer edition of America's Got Talented Celebrity Dancing Bachelorettes.

Jason Castro, America Idol

Frank Micelotta/FOX

Wickedhella asks: Joel, I love you and The Soup, but for the love of GOD can you please stop making fun of Jason Castro for being a stoner??

You got it, Wickedhella. We promise that after this week we, like the rest of America, will forget all about him.

Andyshomes asks: Whats with the HOMO thin 1980's tie. Hey Boy George, lets Karma Kamlian!!!!!!!!!! Idiot!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, Kamlian.

Yelobugg asks: how do i send you guys ideas for the show?

Step one: Get a job here. Step two: Do your job.

Dhankins asks: Howdy! I just graduated college and It is a personal dream of mine to write for The Soup. How could I make that happen?

Your first mistake was attending college, your second was graduating and your third was admitting it. We ain't got no use fer none a' yer fancy book-learnin', buck. Reckon the last feller that came here from a Univarsity got himself tar'd, feathered and rode outta town on a rail. So you best be headin' somewheres else with that high-falutin' college degree. I do hear tell they're lookin' fer a writer of yer brainiac qualificationisms over to the American Gladiators.

LoveJoel asks: Can you please do a segment with Joel and his dad, Fred Dryer? Hunter...Land's End...football...high forehead...receeding hairline...it's no wonder Joel is so successful with a pedigree like that!

No, we won't do such a segment, but here’s some sweet love just for you.

Limbopie asks: please dont make fun of poodles because there little faces are so cute

That's not why we make fun of poodles.

Mr. T

Bob Riha Jr/WireImage.com

jake_sommers_5 asks: Why are there no segments on the most embarrasing show I have ever seen, I Pity the Fool. Its about Mr. T helping families. The premise itself is enough to warrent your attention.

You're right in thinking that I Pity The Fool would be good fodder for us. Not sure why we rarely ever mention it on the show unless it's because they haven't aired a new episode since November 2006.

donna.michelle.gardner asks: I live in Louisiana, ya'll, so obviously the only stars I've seen have been in the sky at night. With that being said I would like a picture of Joel in superman undies signed and sent to me. Well, I guess any picture will do. It'll make my lil country heart melt, ya'll.

Melted heart? Gross.

CMATONIS asks: I JUST BOUGHT THE SO MEATY MUG. HOW CAN I GET A SOUND CLIP FOR MY CELL PHONE OR INSTANT MESSAGE SOUND FILE (.WAV normally) SAYING "SOOO MEATY"?

Man, this guy is really into "So Meaty"...Guess we shouldn't have rejected all those other So Meaty merch plans we had. Would anyone be interested in a So Meaty meat thermometer? How about a So Meaty compost bin? So Meaty sweatpants? Just rank those in order of preference for us if you could.

Tyra Banks

James Devaney/WireImage.com

wwerumbleking asks: make fun tyra

Are you asking us to make fun of Tyra? Or, are you asking Tyra to make fun? Or, are you asking us to make a fun Tyra? Or, are you asking us—OW! Stop hitting! OK, OK! Uh, let's see...Tyra thinks the world revolves around her so much so that the sun is filing antitrust litigation. OW! Cut it out! OW! OK, uh, Tyra's show is so self-serving it gets mistaken for a gas pump six times a week. OW! OW! All right! Tyra's got such an inflated ego the Hindenburg instigated an intervention. OW! Hey, that's it! That's all we have! Please, just, don't hit us anymore...please...please...we'll try and come up with some more for next week, we promise. We promise!

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