AP Photo/Ric Feld

And now, because you've been waiting ever so breathlessly for it, here lies Part II of us barely replying to your genuinely pressing questions. Just pretend that the last couple of days haven't even happened. It's what we do every morning.

Glamontagne asks: Hire me as a comedy writer and i will pose in a pin-up calendar with Mankini in nothing but a banana hammock.
Sounds good, Glamontagne! Please direct the photograph and resume to: Ryan Seacrest c/o E! Entertainment, Los Angeles, Calif.

kodaluvr asks: I have a little favor to ask The Soup. One of my friends, Gary, is the biggest The Soup fan ever. Seriously. He loves Joel McHale, Lou and everyone else on your show and never misses a show. His birthday is on Friday, May 9 and it would be the biggest and best gift in the entire world if you could take five seconds and say "Happy Birthday Gary" on the May 9 show for him. It would mean the entire universe to him that Joel actually said his name.
Well, kodaluvr, sadly we can’t take the time to wish all of our fans a happy birthday on the show each week. The strain on Joel would be too much. I mean, just take a look at what’s happened to Willard Scott. But hey, I did it here, so that’s something. Nobody else ask though!

hel61 asks: Chicagoland has some fantastically horrible commercials, and, well, these two continue that tradition. They're from Lincoln Insurance, and they're fabulous. Please enjoy.

I agree hel61! Also, thank you for your exceptional spelling, grammar, capitalization and punctuation. Stand tall, you are admired.

dillonman92107 asks: Joel wanted feedback on the website...I really like it ang it's easy to use!
Unlike your D key, apparently. (Yeah! I totally nailed that guy and his lousy positive attitude!)

Ncdallas asks: Where's Lou's Bio? (My Chihuahuas Tuffy and Georgie want to know now! They are Lou's most faithful fans, I'm sure!)
Please tell your dogs that Lou’s bio is in the works, will appear soon and that, as dogs, they can’t read or understand anything that is read to them anyway.

Ladipetunya asks: No question, just love the dog. Matches mine exactly so if you ever need a Chihuahua stand in, Tippy is up for the job.
Good to know, Ladipetunya! The Soup is actually on its fourth “Lou” right now. It’s common practice in show business to replace animal actors when they become too old. Same thing happened to Dave Coulier during the last season of Full House.

melanie5747 asks: Can I have Lou the Chihuahua?
No...but I can probably get you another that I’m told looks a lot like him...PM me.

marantosandy asks: Not a question, just a comment. My 8-year-old wandered in when I was watching The Soup last night, and he said, about Mr. Joel McHale, "That guy looks like Ryan Seacrest." Then later when Joel said something about Ryan being a handsome person, my son said, "Of course he's gonna say that. He looks just like him." Anyway, I thought that was pretty entertaining and that you guys at The Soup might enjoy it. Thanks for making us laugh!
Thank you marantosandy! What you might not know is that The Soup’s writing staff is exclusively made up of 8-year olds. Please have your son send his resume and two spec scripts to our HR department as soon as you’ve stopped loving him.

Thank you for all your questions—even the ones that contained personal insults—and please do feel free to ask more by clicking on that li'l "Email The Soup" banner to the right.

See you in my time machine!

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