Paris Hilton

The open casting call to be Paris Hilton’s BFF in New York attracted only 40 to 50 people. Don’t fret, Paris. When it comes to skanks willing to humiliate themselves for your sloppy seconds of fame, it’s not the quantity that counts. It’s the quality.

Blake Incarcerated turned 26 yesterday, not that wife Amy Winehouse noticed. The Rehab star reportedly failed to visit Blake Fielder-Civil in the slammer on his big day. Aw. And he was totally hoping for a Wii!

Speaking of birthdays, Victoria Beckham turns 34 today. According to her Amazon Wish List, she wants a...Oh. Looks like she wants the Amazon. Guess she needs a place to store her shoes.

Papa Joe has reportedly been shopping around the rights to his unborn grandchild’s first photos, asking for $1 million. Something tells us if Ashlee’s album doesn’t do well next week, Joe Simpson will buy a 3-D ultrasound machine and shill images of the zygote—whom he’ll then secure an in-utero reality show for.

An E! News spy tells us Lindsay Lohan went to a Foreigner concert last Friday with omnipresent pal Samantha Ronson, whose stepdad is in the band. So not only does LiLo dress like a cougar, she digs their music, too? We can’t wait till she starts dating a 12-year-old.

Alicia Keys and Kerry Brothers are reportedly set to marry over the July 4 weekend. Following tradition, the bride will wear something old, something new, something borrowed and something planted by the government to bring down African Americans and murder prominent hip-hop artists. They’re registered at Pottery Barn.
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