I Want Eye Candy

By Ted Casablanca Jun 25, 2008 12:35 PMTags

Two reality stars start up just as soon as one of them is about to hit the road, while Jake Gyllenhaal apparently gets choosy when it comes to personal (assistant) matters. Plus, the most Wanted woman at the flick's premiere was the no-show Brangelina brood. Doesn't look like anyone's getting what they want—except some superella new starlets on the scene.

As if Naomi Campbell wasn’t exacting enough, now we’ve got our darling Jakey Gyllenhaal being a tad pushy, too. It’s all so treacherous these days watching celeb-ville get more and more cantankerous. Did you know Mr. G is currently looking for a new assistant? Must be all those coffee and yoga dates with Reese-love—I’m sure they’re all hell to put together, those sweaty appointments. Help is needed by the dimpled dude!

But don’t bother applying if you’re a guy. Insiders knowledgeable with the star who’s dating the chick known for always buying two calendars (in case one gets too smudgy half way through the year), say Gyllenhaal is more interested in a female assistant. Doesn’t surprise moi, really, ‘cause everybody knows men gossip more than women. Known fact, babe-cakes.

How quickly does it really take to go from an aw-shucks wannabe trying to get your foot in the door, to a full-fledged, posh H’wood princess? About a millisecond, looks like. Certainly faster than it takes to travel two blocks during Hell-Ay’s rush hour, that’s fer sure.

AP Photo/Matt Sayles

Jennifer Hudson quickly went from reality-show contestant to bona fide Oscar winner with her first film role. Must smart something awful for every aspiring starlet in T-town who’s had to suffer through waitress jobs and pizza commercials. One of the myriad perks of joining the A-list ranks is getting invited to gifting lounges, where fancy clothes and beauty products are handed over to you like its your bitchy birthright. Well, J-babe kept pushing back her appointment to attend the Akademiks BET Gift Lounge at the Roosevelt Hotel, finally ditching it altogether and claiming some “personal reasons.” (Why she didn’t just blame it on eternal excuse of traffic and/or devilish heat, we don’t know.) The spa staff, masseurs, media and bevy of vendors, all who had been in the joint since noon, were waiting until 7 p.m. for J-Hud to show up, only to have the crooner nix it at the last minute. Did this doll pick up some Kim Cattrall tricks on the set of Sex & the City?

INFphoto.com

Teenage titan Miley Cyrus can give every spoiled celeb a run for their money, and gal’s not even old enough to get her driver’s license. M.C. was in Nashville filming her next Hannah Montana movie at Rutledge Falls, a scenic waterfall and nature spot. A crowd of kiddies, complete with their parental guardians, formed throughout the day, waiting to see the 15-year-old in the flesh (more so than that Vanity Fair photo). Before Miley-hon sauntered out, her goon guys stomped out to demand no one take photos or request autographs from the teen TV actress. When Cy-hon finally appeared, she hightailed it to her waiting wheels without even a wave or a smile to the kids who waited hours on end to see the face that adorns their lunchboxes, bedsheets, backpacks—you name it. Our infuriated source is supermad about the Disney diva diss: “She should not risk ticking off the moms that control the money!” Well put, Missy Matron! You wanna stay on all that merch, M-babe? Throw your fans a bone—at least the ones still in your age demographic. The older ones sans children prolly shouldn’t be encouraged.

Fox, Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

The reality romance between American Idol champ David Cook and season-two finalist Kimberly Caldwell is still going strong, despite D.C. about to embark on his Idol tour (and not to mention the inherent phoniness there is when two reality stars from the same show hook up). “Email, text, all of that is pretty much going to be my life for the next few months,” said Cooksie, when prompted about how he’ll stay in touch with his blond K-babe at the Taste for a Cure benefit in Hell-Ay.

Gregg DeGuire/WireImage.com

Don’t worry, Davey-cakes. There are plenty of ways to keep the romance alive in a long-distance relaysh. You can always take camera photos of your manly member à la Pete Wentz and send it to your sweetie. In fact, why not go all-out nude like Vanessa Hudgens? There’s no better way to say “I miss you” like a lewd love pic that can be easily leaked to the public.

 

Just be careful about text messaging, Daviekins. The last time two Idols were caught texting one another, it was the musical misfire From Justin to Kelly. I’d stick to sending autographed headshots to one another all summer long.

INFphoto.com

We went over to Westwood for the Wanted premiere, tho barely anyone else did. This action flick’s capsizing with notable names, from Common to Morgan Freeman to Angelina Jolie. Guess the cast didn’t care enough to show up to the L.A. Film Fest screening, tho at least Angie-hon had an excuse, being all pregged up and tied down to her French villa. Couldn’t she have sent Maddox over as a sort of ambassador on her behalf?

Alex Bailey /Focus Features

The one celeb who got his stuff together to make an appearance was the juicy James McAvoy, the Scotsman lucky enough to have locked lips with some luscious ladies from the likes of Angie, Keira Knightley, Gillian Anderson and Anne Hathaway.  Lorna Scott, who plays J.M.’s boss in the flick, seems just a bit bitter that she wasn’t the newest addition to McAv-babe’s kiss list. “James is the most generous human being I've ever worked with...and he's really, really cute!” Get in line, hon, with all the other babes and boys discovering this newly minted dreamboat.

Jamie-babe was dressed head-to-toe in black, rockin’ some emo skinny jeans and a greaser leather jacket. His wife, Anne-Marie Duff, held hands with the heartthrob the whole carpet, constantly controlling his gaze back to her and away from fans and photo-hogs alike. Jealousy doesn’t look good on anyone, Annie, tho with your hot hubby, any envy is completely justified.

Jai Rodriquez, celebrating his B-day at the WeHo hang Seven on a Saturday night. The Queer Eye guy looked tough 'n' toned in a tank showing off both his buff bod and his tattoos as he pranced around saying hello to every invited guest or stranger wishing him a happy B-day. One of Jai-babe’s guests for the evening was...

Candis Cayne, enjoying the boyish bash. The transsexual actress, who locks lips with William Baldwin on Dirty Sexy Money, looked way skinny, but still smokin’, in a cute, breezy minidress. C2 imbibed away the drink special of the night—a p.i.n.k. vodka cocktail in a glowing cup. What'd you expect, something more subdued? Not at a fete thrown by flamboyant fella J.R. Doing some devious deeds in the desert was...

Jared Leto, hanging out at Rehab—the Vegas nightspot, not Cirque Lodge, tho you’re likely to see the same amount of celebs at either place, trust. J-babe’s brother and band member, Shannon, played a DJ set at the famous pool party. J.L. tried to shy himself away from his legions of lady onlookers, redirecting their gaze to his bro onstage. Sharing the spotlight, now that’s a special celeb sibling to have. Later, the Leto Bros. hung out at Body English, holding themselves up in a balcony table overlooking the floor, eventually switched to a less VIP, more action-oriented spot closer to the dance floor, where they partied until 3 a.m., your average rock-star night. Hardly as poppin’ were old married folk...

Eva Longoria-Parker and hubby Tony, dining at Koi, also in Sin City. Casual in jeans, Ms. L, with really not even that much makeup on, unusually so, barely gave T.P. a peck on the cheek. They even had dinner at 6:20 p.m. Jeez, are the madly gossed days of sultry struttings already over? Pray it’s not so. Far too soon for these two hot-butts to become the next Tom and Katie.