One mighty missy is doing her best to avoid all things Miley, while another sassy girl surrounded by gossip is bringing her A game to the T-town scene. Plus, a second round of all your needy queries, but we've got some truly challenging questions of our own! Get out your thinkin' caps, which we assume are smaller than Carrie Bradshaw's head bouquet, and read on!
Ashley Olsen, Mary-Kate Olsen

Dimitrios Kambouris/

It’s time to fluff ‘n’ fold another batch of Dirty Quandary, where we force ya to flip a coin and choose the lesser of two evils—kinda like Maxim did when it picked Ashley Olsen to be on the Hot 100 list (you were robbed, Mary-Kate!). We know it’s difficult, but somebody’s gotta do it. Ted’s away and Becky doesn’t have an assistant, so that somebody is you, dear readers!

Would you rather...

Jimmy Fallon

Greg Pimentel/

• Watch newly appointed Conan O'Brien replacement Jimmy Fallon on Late Night or just go to bed early?
Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag

Donato Sardella/

• Be the third wheel on a date with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt or Drew Barrymore and Justin Long? (Things to think about: Justy L. can probably make you laugh, but Speidi can make you laugh more, albeit unintentionally.)
Sarah Jessica Parker

Mike Marsland/

• Wear it, burn it or put it in the center of your dining-room table: Sarah Jessica Parker’s high-flying hat at the London premiere of Sex and the City?
Lindsay Lohan

Kevin Mazur/

• Predict which has the better chance of a future: Lindsay Lohan’s movie career or her new leggings line?

• Attend a Scientology boot camp with Katie Holmes or just an actual boot camp?

Dina Lohan

Dan Herrick/

• Have Mother of the Year Dina Lohan as your momager or Jeff Archuleta as your dadager? Or give up a career in entertainment completely?

• Continue making a fine, quality TV program with the utmost integrity or sell your soul to get a ton of ratings by repeatedly casting a pop star who can’t act? (I think we already know CBS’s answer to this one.)

Now that you have some difficult Q’s to ponder, it's time to tackle your always-amusing letters in the minimailbag. Gotta get everything answered before Ted returns—don’t want him coming back to a messy mailbox.
Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer

Dear Becky:
Ted recently referred to Jen Aniston as a major fag hag. Someone asked where that put Vince Vaughn, and Ted (no doubt backed by the legal dept.) said V.V. is "all man" and segued into his weight. Assuming she is a fag hag what, if anything, does that say about Jen and John Mayer?
Dear Mayer McPlease:
Hey, as a female with a gaggle of gay friends, I can attest that even a fag hag can score a straight stud from time to time. And the only thing to be said about Jen and John is “yawn.”
Katie Holmes

AP Photo/Miguel Villagran

Dear Becky:
What's with Katie Holmes' smile these days, and when is the press going to make mention of it? She's a beautiful young lady, absolutely striking, and she dresses beautifully. However, ever since hanging with Posh, she's put on this Posh face with one side of the lips curled up and the other side down. Everyone I know is barfing over it. Isn't it about time somebody told Katie she can be herself again with that stunning smile she had before Victoria sprinkled dust on her?
  San Francisco
Dear Posh It to the Limit:
I completely concur with your Katie critique. The Posh bob was one thing, but to steal the woman’s smile is just stupid. Aren’t the British famed for having not-so-perfect pearly whites? Maybe that’s why her lips are always sealed. What on earth could be K.H.’s reason for her pursed puss?
Ashton Kutcher

Mark Sullivan/

Dear Becky:
After reading your take on Ashton Kutcher which celebrity’s real-life version is completely opposite of his/her interview version? Every time I see an actor’s interview, I think, "You were told to say that." Sounded like A.K. was actually pretty humble? And please remember to use a Becky Decoder as I am text stupid...DILF?. Doing a great job
Dear Asking About Ash:
Ashy K did seem supersweet and quite the modest man in his interview, which made me a little pissed that the whole a-hole persona he plays off is invented. Ditto Jared Leto. I’d rather see the real deal than know these dudes think coming off like a douche bag is winning them fans. Also, DILF = Dad I’d Like to Do Things to That I Can’t Print Here.
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